 As a parent or grandparent, it is easy to see the mistakes that we have made: losing our temper, being late to pick up our kid afterschool, burning the dinner, forgetting an adult child's birthday, saying something mean in the heat of the moment that we cannot easily take back, missing a drama or orchestra performance because of work, and so many more.
As we are now one month into 2025 or just starting the new year according to the Lunar calendar, it is a good opportunity to claim our victories of the past year or so. Without doing this periodically, we can lose perspective of the growth and the areas in which we have made progress. A few years ago, I asked my husband about this task, he said, "First of all, I woke up every morning." That is indeed something to be grateful for and to claim that I am still here, on this journey of life. One of my goals this past year was to continue to educate myself by reading and when I looked back, I realized I can claim the goal of reading or listening on Audible to at least one book per month. Your victories might include having a meal together as a family at least three or more times every week. Maybe it has to do with a new friendship that you are building or a relationship that you have begun to heal. Did you start any new projects or find service opportunities? Did you walk or exercise consistently? Perhaps, you found a unique way to connect with and celebrate the relationship with your spouse, child, or grandchild. I know a grandfather who communicates with his teenage grandson by texting and sending each other jokes that tickle their unique sense of humor. How about the challenges that you faced? Did you discover that you are stronger than you thought? Did your capacity to find joy in small victories increase? Some of the things that I discovered through my challenges are:
I offer you the opportunity to look back over the past year to claim your victories and contemplated what you learned from your challenges.  Can conflict actually bring you and your partner closer? It depends on how you fight, say Julie and John Gottman, the world’s leading relationship scientists. They share why the way couples fight can predict the future of their relationships — and show how anybody can transform conflict into an opportunity for deeper connection and understanding in their new book, "Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection." Certified Generational Healing Coach Kendra Stein will be helping us to explore this relevant information on the next "Self-Care Isn't Selfish" monthly call Saturday, Feb. 1, 10 am PT/1 pm ET. Register here for the zoom link:
tinyurl.com/Self-Care-Feb-1-2025 The book “Fight Right” is the Gottman’s masterpiece of decades of research on the hots often through conflict, and it is actually necessary in order to have a healthy, successful, long lasting relationship. If we don’t learn how to do conflict well, we end up stuck, disconnected, and unfulfilled. John and Julie Gottman, the world’s leading love experts, lay out clear, compassionate, science-based guidance on navigating this world of conflict in our most intimate relationships. The Gottmans have identified five common mistakes people make when at odds, according to "Fight Right" principles. They are:
Join us on Saturday, February 1 to learn more: tinyurl.com/Self-Care-Feb-1-2025 For more about our Self-Care coach group and to watch other webinars that we have hosted, visit our YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/@Self-Care.Isnt.Selfish/videos  It has been said that the dandelion is nature’s unsung hero and a symbol of resilience and versatility. What is your first thought when you think of a dandelion? The dandelion is the only flower that represents the three celestial bodies of the sun, moon, and stars: The yellow flower resembles the sun, the puff ball resembles the moons, and the dispersing seeds resemble the stars. The dandelion flower opens to greet the morning and closes in the evening to go to sleep.
Every part of the dandelion is useful: root, leaves, flower. It can be used for food, medicine, and dye for coloring. In fact, up until the 1800s, people would pull grass out of their lawns to make room for dandelions and other useful “weeds” like chickweed, malva and chamomile. So, what can we learn from this humble plant? Resilience
Dandelions are, quite possibly, the most successful plants that exist. They are masters of survival worldwide. So, the next time you see the yellow flower or the puffball of the dandelion, reflect on these points and thank God for the reminder of our own journey to discover adaptability, embrace the unknown and find our inner resilience.  According to Chinese astrology, the Year of the Snake is associated with transformation, renewal, and spiritual growth. The Year of the Wood Snake in 2025 is a rare combination that occurs once every 60 years and it is associated with wisdom, transformation, and resourcefulness. The lucky color for the Wood Snake is blue, which is said to foster calmness, wisdom, and clarity. So, what does 2025 hold for you?
The snake's ability to shed its skin symbolizes letting go of the old and embracing the new. Perhaps, this year is an opportunity for us to reflect on what we need to let go of. Is there an area of your home that has become too crowded with things that you seldom use? Is it time for to sort through them and decide what could be thrown out or given away? Maybe your children have too many toys with all the gifts from Christmas. Giving some away that they have outgrown is a great way to keep more order. Or perhaps putting some of the toys away and rotating what is out on the shelves can help with the cleanup. Other benefits include preventing overwhelm, keeping toys interesting and encourages deeper play. For more on toy rotations: tinyurl.com/toy-rotation If the transformation that you feel you need is more of letting go of old beliefs and concepts, creating a simple plan that includes daily habits is the proven method. Jack Canfield said, "Your habits will determine your future." Some promote the 21/90 Rule for making new habits--committing to a goal for 21 days and continuing it for 90 days to make it a permanent part of your life. Several books that I have found useful in supporting new habits are: "Atomic Habits" by James Clear, "Tiny Habits" by B.J. Fogg, Ph.D. and "The 7 Healthy Habits of Highly Effective Families" by Steven R. Covey. The Year of the Snake offers a time for self-discovery, to release our past baggage and embark on a journey of new habits and self-discovery. If you are looking for a relationship and family coach to help you with let go of the past to move forward, contact me for a free clarity coaching session. Coaching With Myrna  What does a doctor who makes time for regular karaoke sessions with his children, a retired printing technician who inadvertently answered a decade-old geometry problem, and an 11-year-old who found bones from an ichthyosaur, the largest known ocean reptile from the time of dinosaurs have in common? They are all people who have realized the benefits of being a hobbyist and have even made some important discoveries.
Benefits for Your Body: Doing an enjoyable hobby releases endorphins, those chemicals in our brain that help us feel good, as well as lowering our cortisol or stress hormones. These can support our body in lowering blood pressure, reducing inflammation, improving sleep, boosting our immune system, improving our cardiac health, and increasing our energy. Dr. Vuu, the doctor who loves singing and karaoke, says, "Karaoke is one of the things that just lights me up and brings me joy. In my work as a doctor and researcher, I've become convinced that having hobbies is an essential part of living and aging well." Benefits for Your Brain: Hobbies can provide protection against dementia as well as improve our neuroplasticity--the ability of the brains neural networks to change, adapt, and make new connections. Dr. Hafeez, a neuropsychologist at New York's Columbia University says, “One of the coolest things I've found is that regularly doing things that you find enjoyable causes biochemical changes in the brain, and we measure these in the lab. With the brain, it’s a 'use it or lose it' type of situation...so you always want to be exercising it to keep it strong, and hobbies are a really fun way to do that." Benefits for Your Spirit: Hobbies make us happier, increase our sense of well-being, and help us find greater purpose and meaning in life. This is especially true when we find or join a community through our hobby; it is an opportunity to find new friends or catch up with old ones. Almost ten years ago, my husband and I moved across the US, and I knew almost no one. I joined a community band and rekindled the joy of playing my flute and rediscovering the synergy of being part of something bigger than myself. More about that in a previous blogpost: family-synergy-being-in-tune.html How about starting off the new year with renewing something that you have been passionate about in the past? Or maybe it is an opportunity to try something new--yoga, painting, joining an orchestra or community choir. Maybe you want something that your family can do together--hiking, camping, or volunteering to help with the park clean-up. Have a family meeting and talk about it together. What hobby would you like to start or continue in 2025? |