 In her book, The Conscious Parent, Dr. Shefali Tsabary says, “Through our children, we get orchestra seats to the complex theatrics of our immaturity, as they evoke powerful emotions in us that can cause us to feel as though we aren’t in control—with all the frustrations, insecurity, and angst that accompanies this sensation.” We have many opportunities to get upset, react, or get triggered throughout our day--with our boss or a co-worker, while driving in traffic, with a friend, or our spouse. However, children seem to have the unique ability to know how to push our buttons! I'd like to point out that this gives us the opportunity to reparent ourselves.
There is a reason we are getting upset, giving in, or overreacting. Learning about what causes us to react and understanding why some things bother us more than others is an important part of parenting. Getting triggered is when we have an intense physical or emotional reaction to an event or interaction. Often something our child or someone else says or does connects us to a difficult childhood memory. We can begin by realizing that getting overly upset or triggered is something to pay attention to rather than be ashamed of. I like to think of such opportunities as "awakenings." These intense interactions uncover something in me that perhaps I already knew deep inside. Starting with this awareness, we can begin to see that there is more at stake than simply someone else's words or actions. At times, we can work through these challenges on our own, but sometimes we need the support of a friend, coach, or mental health professional, and that’s okay. Parenting and grandparenting give us the tremendous opportunity to reparent ourselves! Reparenting means to work through emotions, habits and experiences from our past that stand in the way of being our best selves right now and make different choices in our current relationships. To do this involves learning to:
www.prepare-enrich.com/blog/4-benefits-of-understanding-your-triggers/  We are almost through the first month of 2026. Did you make any goals or determinations for the new year? According to an article on Forbes.com, less than 25% of people who make resolutions stay committed after 1 month and only 8% accomplish them. The article recommends having specific attainable goals instead, ones with actionable steps that you can track each day/week. I would like to suggest that you do some thinking about areas of your life in which you want to make different choices.
In college, I had a class assignment to write my own eulogy. We were asked to think what we wanted to be remembered for at the end of our lives. I have forgotten what I wrote but looking at my life now, I want to be remembered as someone who was a good friend, who knew how to listen, who was authentic and enjoyed life immensely. In her book, “Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing,” Bronnie Ware shares about the wisdom she learned from her patients while working in palliative care. bronnieware.com/blog/regrets-of-the-dying/# Here is what she discovered: 1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. "This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it." 2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard. "This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence." 3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. "Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result." 4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. "Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying." 5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. "This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again." After reading this, I want to make different choices about my relationships in the year ahead--listed below. What areas of your life do you want to make new choices?
 Albert Einstein said, "He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand wrapt in awe is as good as dead; his eyes are closed." We live in trying times and it takes intention and presence to notice all that is amazing and wonderful in the people and nature surrounding us.
Almost every day, it seems that we can find evidence of how annoying, inconvenient, and inconsiderate people and situations can be. Travel gets interrupted because of weather. Your commute to work is stressful because of people driving recklessly, the person ahead of you in line at the checkout counter is exchanging items and asking too many questions, your spouse forgets to pick up something at the store, one of your relatives posts something political online that irritates you, your child tells you the night before that they need to bring something for a school project or a bake sale—the list can go on and on. It is easy to take the nature that surrounds for granted--the shades of the leaves in the fall, the way the sun glistens on snow-covered trees, or the incredible colors painted across the sky at sunset. We also forget that people are impressive, amazing individuals created in the image of God. Pearl Bailey, actress, singer, and author said that people see God every day, they just don’t recognize him. If you haven't seen the entertaining short video, "Eating Twinkies With God," watch it and share it with your family. www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9N8OXkN0Rk&t=5s A few years ago, I watched the movie, "My Octopus Teacher" about Craig Foster, a nature documentary filmmaker, naturalist, and founder of Sea Change Project. This project is a community of scientists, storytellers, journalists, and filmmakers who are dedicated to the ocean. Their work is motivating scientists, policymakers, and individuals to engage meaningfully with nature and protect our oceans. For Craig Foster, the ocean and one particular octopus changed his life. He went to the ocean originally because he was overwhelmed and stressed out. He went every day swimming without a wetsuit or oxygen tank because he felt it would be a barrier to interacting with ocean life and he discovered an amazing world underwater with a unique and curious octopus that befriended him. The movie is both a gorgeous wildlife documentary and a moving tale of how a man in crisis found joy, wonder and purpose through immersion in nature and a remarkable relationship with an octopus. I highly recommend this movie as a great family watch. Awe is the feeling we get when something moves us, maybe it stops us in our tracks and enables us to feel truly alive. Research shows that awe and wonder can decrease stress and anxiety and increase positive emotions and overall satisfaction in our life. The practice of wonder can engender greater compassion for others, build brain health, a sense of more expansive time, and the recognition that there are greater forces at work within the universe. It also helps us to feel greater support and increases the likelihood that we will help others. Make time this week to look through the eyes of wonder and awe to see what moves you! |