When our child is having a hard time, how we respond will shape the way they see themselves. When we react with harsh words or criticism, they may start to believe they are the problem—that they’re too much to manage, that their feelings don’t matter. Over time, this becomes their inner voice. But here’s the good news: we can break that cycle.

By staying calm and showing compassion when your child is upset, you teach them they are never too much for you. You show them that mistakes don’t mean rejection and their big feelings won’t drive love away. 💛This creates a foundation for emotional resilience, helping them navigate their own feelings, set healthy boundaries, and show up for others with empathy and love. 

Understanding that we are most effective as parents and grandparents when we teach by example, we can see how important it is that our daily life resembles being courteous, grateful, appreciative, and self-responsible. Modeling is one of the most powerful ways that we can parent, including how we deal with challenges and our emotions.

Developing manners, respect, consideration, and appreciation towards ourselves and others are habits that need to be practiced and cultivated within our family. The things that we focus on the most are the things that we will do the best. Focusing on positive habits develops habits that contribute to present and future wisdom about healthy relationships. Doing all of this is also the best assurance that we are not raising entitled individuals.
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A few books that I have found helpful in dealing with emotions and feelings are:

• "In My Heart: A Book of Feelings" by Jo Witek (ages 2-6)
• www.amazon.com/My-Heart-Feelings-Growing-Hearts/dp/1419713108
• "Some Days I Flip My Lid: Learning to be a Calm, Cool Kid" by Kellie Doyle Bailey (ages 3-6)
• www.amazon.com/Some-Days-Flip-My-Lid/dp/1683732510 
• "Growing Feelings: A Kid's Guide To Dealing With Emotions About Friends and Other Kids" by Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore (ages 6-10)
• www.amazon.com/Growing-Feelings-Dealing-Emotions-Friends/dp/1582708789
• "Emotions for Tweens & Teens" by Ivi Green (ages 9-18)
• www.amazon.com/EMOTIONS-TEENS-TWEENS-infographics-relationships/dp/B0BSJ77C23

For blogs on what our children need from us at the different developmental stages and family tools to support these needs: 
www.coachmyrna.org/blog/category/child-development-stages

• The Stage of Attachment-birth to 18 months
• The Stage of Exploration-18 months to 3 years
• The Stage of Identity—3-4 years
• The Stage of Competence—4 to 7 years
• The Stage of Concern--7-12 years
• The Stage of Intimacy--12 to 18 years

Did you know that most of us significantly overestimate our listening abilities? Many of us think that we are good listeners but research indicates that the average person only retains around 50% or less of what they hear in a conversation or lecture. One of my favorite quotes is by Dr. David W. Augsburger, "Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable."

Being present to those we love takes effort, especially in the fast-paced world that we live in where:

• we are overcommitted 
• all of us plugged into multiple types of technology
• and family dinners are occurring less often

​However, learning to listen with intention is a skill that we can all get better at. Listening to respond is the standard way that most of us communicate. What that means is that instead of really paying attention to what the other person is saying with their words and body language, we are already thinking about how we want to reply or what our rebuttal will be. The good news is that relationships skills and better ways to communicate can be learned. More on this in a previous blog--link below.
learning-better-ways-to-communicate.html

I challenge you to pay attention this week to ways that you can love through listening. Need some more ideas how to get started? Here are some:
questions-to-ask-your-child-or-grandchild.html
rethinking-family-dinners.html