Do you have a child who has become truthfulness-challenged? If so, there is hope. As a conscientious parent, you can turn the tide on truth-bending behavior by applying the Three E's: Example, Experience, and Empathy. These three techniques can be applied to a variety of parenting experiences whether our child is two or twenty.

The First "E”: Example
Obviously, parents who act truthfully around their child are far more likely to have a truthful child. A not-so-obvious application of good modeling involves discussing our moral dilemmas with others when our child is within earshot. This can even be 
accomplished by having a “conversation” on the telephone recounting a recent situation. When our child overhears us talking about temptations, and how we've chosen truthfulness instead of deceit, powerful lessons get locked in.

The Second "E": Experience
When a child lies, they need to experience logical consequences. One of the most practical involves expecting them to replace any energy they've drained from us because of their fibbing. Does lying drain your parental energy? This is a wonderful time to introduce the Energy Drain. energy-drain.html

The Third "E": Empathy
Consequences preceded with empathy are far more effective than consequences delivered with anger, guilt, or sarcasm. An added benefit of responding to our child's mistakes with empathy is that they'll be far more likely to admit making them. Do we want our child to be afraid of us when they blunder? Do we want them to hide their mistakes rather than bringing them to our attention? Of course not. That's why it's so important to discipline with love rather than lectures. Approaching with empathy, curiosity, and the desire to understand will keep the connection between parent and child thriving. 

Using the Three E’s—example, experience, and empathy—we can guide our child to gain understanding and wisdom about the impact of their behavior and choices on the quality of their life and their relationships with others. Naturally, the Three E’s are adaptable to many other areas of parenting besides lying. Think about situations with your own children where you could apply the Three E's.

Understanding that we are most effective as parents when we teach by example, we can see how important it is that our daily life resembles being courteous, grateful, appreciative, and being responsible. Modeling is one of the most powerful ways that we can parent. Developing manners, respect, consideration, and appreciation towards ourselves and others are habits that need to be practiced and cultivated within our family. The things that we focus on the most are the things that we will do the best. Focusing on positive habits develops habits that contribute to present and future wisdom about healthy relationships. Doing all of this is also the best assurance that we are not raising entitled individuals.

Sometimes when your child misbehaves, it is difficult to find a natural consequence to apply. The Energy Drain approach is the perfect solution to give us a practical way of creating logical consequences that teach responsibility. Simply stated, the child or teen is required to replace energy “drained” from the adult by their misbehavior.

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The parent could say, “That is so sad. When you _______, it drains my energy.” Fill in the blank with the inappropriate action that the child did, i.e. arguing, fight with a sibling, lying, etc. The next step would be “How are you going to put my energy back in?” If the child says, “Don’t know,” you ask if they would like some ideas. When they agree, you might say, “Well, some kids decide to clean the bathroom or wash some dishes or clean up the backyard. Those are energy builders. How would one of those work for you?” Of course, the suggestions must be age appropriate. You can offer to show them how to do the task if needed.

If the child completes the chores, thank them and don’t lecture. If they refuse, don’t reprimand. Instead, you can remind them that before you can drive them to soccer practice or their friend’s house, or before using the computer or watch a favorite show, the energy needs to be replenished.

Recently, I was having a video call with my six-year-old granddaughter, and I learned how to add emojis to my image. With the help of my granddaughter and her mom, I became a giraffe, a tiger, or a princess. I sometimes feel intimidated about many tools available on my phone and computer. I realized that this is often because of my thinking--my mindset--about my inability to learn something new.

I remember a webinar I attended that introduced the difference between a fixed and a growth mindset. Below are a few of the highlights that I learned from this program:
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• Feedback: With a fixed mindset, we fear the suggestions of others--our spouse, manager, boss, or friend because we see them as challenges to be feared and indications of failure. Seeing feedback as a gift is part of a growth mindset. We can look at it as ways to grow and change. It can allow us to realize that the only real mistake is not learning from an experience or situation.
• Be a buffalo, not a cow: When a storm comes, the cow turns away from the storm and prolongs the suffering. But the buffalo turns into the storm and goes into the storm, reducing the amount of time they spend exposed to its harsh conditions. Like the buffalo, learn to lead yourself to face challenges and new experiences.
• Benefits of a Growth Mindset: Learning to have a growth mindset increases our optimism, enthusiasm, and hope for life. It improves our relationships with ourselves and others and enhances fulfillment. Learning to say AND instead of BUT stretches our comfort zone. Practicing a growth mindset is like water on a stone, gradually helping us to cultivate awareness and wisdom.

To watch the webinar that was part of the Self-Care Isn't Selfish series:
Growth Mindset With Rebecca Boswell: youtu.be/x6IlGj4svYo?si=1rhf_PLdkrzCM1jZ