​The world we live in and raise our children and support our grandchildren in is one filled with noise, distractions, and devices. This creates unique challenges in nurturing meaningful connections, especially with the younger generation.   It requires intentionality, curiosity, and presence. I ran across an article that underscores how asking open-ended questions can transcend mere small talk and explore topics that ignite curiosity and encourage self-expression in children. 

This insightful piece delves into the art of fostering deeper bonds with children and grandchildren through the simple yet profound act of asking great questions. Some of the suggested questions are:

• What is something about you that is unique?
• What makes somebody a good friend?
• What do you think is the most important rule for people to follow?
• What is something kind that someone has done for you?
• What is your favorite thing about yourself?
• If you could ask God a question, what would you say? 

​The author, Marie Holmes, is the parenting reporter at HuffPost. She says, "More important than the question that gets them talking is how well you listen once you get them started." Read the whole article and see all fifty questions here:
www.huffpost.com/entry/great-questions-grandchildren_l_6616a4a8e4b02edf2008d53d

Want to improve your family's communication? Print out this list of conversation starters, cut them into strips, fold them in half and put them in a jar or a container. Select the ones that best fit your family (age of children or grandchildren.) Over dinner, at a family meeting or on a car ride have someone pull out one of the questions. Everyone can answer the same question or each person can draw out their own. Decide if you put the questions back in the jar or not. Use your creativity and start talking.
tinyurl.com/conversation-starters

​In the book, “Play: How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul,” Dr. Stuart Brown explains that play is anything but trivial. It is a biological drive as integral to our health as sleep or nutrition. We are designed by nature to flourish through play. As we approach summer and having family time and vacations, think about how play can enter into your time together.

Play explains why play is essential to our social skills, adaptability, intelligence, creativity, ability to problem solve and more. Particularly in tough times, we need to play more than ever, as it's the very means by which we prepare for the unexpected, search out new solutions, and remain optimistic. In fact, play just might be the most important work we can ever do.

One point that Dr. Brown makes again and again is that true play requires a person to let go of pride and self-consciousness. A game of Twister would be horrible if everybody were concerned about what others thought of them. In short, play requires humility. Developing a humble spirit around others allows one to truly play with others- and since play is that which fosters creativity, a culture where humility is the rule is a far healthier culture, economically and socially.

Play is the cornerstone of happiness and being a parent gives us the opportunity to play without getting weird looks when we let our silly sides to show.

So, what is on your family’s play list?  What fun do you have planned in the coming summer months that can engage the whole family?  If your family play list needs some work, use the next  family-meeting to discuss this topic. Have each member of the family answer the following three questions:

1. What activity makes you lose track of time?
2. What makes you feel free and away from the "have-to's"?
3. What activity allows you to be yourself?

​Next, figure out what types of play all of you share. Then, plan your family’s next play outing or activity.  Need some ideas to get started?  Check out this site:   fun-family-activity-ideas-together

​Have you ever done any embroidery? It starts with putting the material into a hoop or frame to keep it taut, making it easier to work with. A pattern provides a diagram to the various stitches that eventually create a picture or a pattern. I've done my share of pillowcase designs and a wall hanging for my mother-in-law. When I was teaching kindergarten, my students stitched their initials on some colorful canvas with supervision from me, of course. Over the years, I learned some important tips that also serve as life lessons.

• Tangles and knots happen more frequently when the string is too long. It is tempting to cut off a lot of thread in order to need to change the thread less often. In life, whenever we take on too many tasks at once, we often find we can't manage it all and end up with a jumbled mess.
• It is better to catch mistakes early before you start compounding them. Taking out stitches and redoing them is necessary for the finished piece to look its best. Unfortunately, life doesn't come with a seam ripper. Some words and deeds can't be undone. It is best to own our mistakes and apologize--the longer we wait, the harder it can get.
• It is necessary to hold the fabric taut and pay close attention to the overall pattern and design--the goal of the finished product. Similarly, it is important to make time to reflect and plan our next steps, making sure that they are taking us toward the goal that we want to achieve.
• Like the variety of personalities and opinions in our families and friends, it is the combination of the variety of thread colors and stitches that create the embroidery pattern and gives it its beauty. 
• The back side of an embroidery piece can look vastly different from the front. Keep in mind that it is the knots and crisscrossing of threads that show the process. In life, the imperfections show our effort and our humanness.

Embroidery is a great art form for adults and kids alike as it strengthens hand-eye coordination, promotes creativity, improves concentration, provides opportunities for mindfulness, and teaches essential life skills like patience, hard work, attention to detail, and a sense of accomplishment.

​As a teenager, I had a mantra of sorts--Life is hard and then you die. Of course, I grew beyond this despondent and depressing outlook on life. However, there are still many times that I resist growth. It is difficult to have hope that I can be more patient, loving, forgiving and joyful. The reality is that growth can be painful, we must acknowledge the wounds, mistakes, and difficult memories of our past. The poet Rumi saw the clear relationship between our wounds and our awakening--our growth. He said, “Don’t turn away. Keep your gaze on the bandaged place. That’s where the light enters you.” The reality is that not to grow is hard and to grow is hard. If it is going to be hard either way, doesn’t it serve us to choose growth?

We have regular opportunities through the relationships with our spouse, children, boss and co-workers, friends, and others to recognize our wounds and pains. Rather than thinking of them as triggers, learn to take a couple of breaths and view these as awakenings to something that needs our attention. If I feel frustrated and angry when my child spills their cereal, leaves the kitchen a mess, or forgets to fill up the car with gas, I can lose my temper and yell. If my spouse or friend says something that feels like criticism, I can respond defensively. Or I can take a step back and consider what is behind my reaction. Did I experience this as a child? Do I hold myself and others to such a high standard that mistakes are not allowed? Do I need some time to care for myself and my needs so that I can be more patient with others?

Choosing growth means that we need to give ourselves space and grace to move into the wounds of our past and allow healing to occur. Learning to see ourselves from God's point of view, acknowledging our intrinsic value and divinity, is an essential part of this journey. If you do not already have meditation practice, I encourage you to start one. There are many forms of meditation including walking in nature, journaling and using guided meditation. I have listed a few resources and past blogs below to support you in choosing growth.

Meditation: insighttimer.com/tiger/guided-meditations/it-s-time-to-grow
Post Blog posts
a-mindfulness-cup-of-tea.html
re-parenting-ourselves.html

There is a story told of Mohini, a regal white tiger, who lived for many years at the Washington, D.C. National Zoo. Most of those years, Mohini's home was an old lion house, a twelve-by-twelve-foot cage with a cement floor surrounded by iron bars. Each day, the tiger spent her time pacing restlessly back and forth in the cramped space. Finally, a beautiful natural habitat was created for Mohini, and everyone was excited about releasing her into the new much larger environment. Unfortunately, the tiger had spent too long in the crowded space, and she quickly sought refuge in the corner of the compound, pacing back and forth until a twelve-by-twelve-foot area was worn bare of grass.

Each day, we have a choice about how to live our lives. Like Mohini, we can spend our time trapped in the same old patterns. ​ When we operate within narrow confines about how to live, we get stuck, develop unhealthy patterns, and don’t achieve the love, joy, and satisfaction that we were created to have. Or we can pause, recognize that we want more in our daily life and relationships, and decide to make some changes.

In her book, "Radical Acceptance--Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha," Tara Brach says, "The way out of our cage begins with accepting absolutely everything about ourselves and our lives, by embracing with wakefulness and care our moment-to-moment experience." Albert Einstein said that we cannot solve problems with the same level of consciousness that created the problem and American psychologist Carl Rogers proclaimed, "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

So change begins with becoming aware of who we are, owning our mistakes, telling the truth about ourselves, asking for help and support, and seeking to forgive ourselves and others with honesty and compassion. It can be a confronting and painful process involving self-reflection, having tough conversations, connecting with God's grace, and finding support for this journey. However, it is the only way to find peace within, deep connection and joy in our relationships, and awakening to who we were created to be!

Stay tuned for more on the process of Awakening to Our True Selves