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On our journey in life, the most profound thing that we can offer others--partners, children, parents, friends, co-workers, bosses, neighbors--is our own healing and growth towards being a more loving person.
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 There is a story of a professor who gave the class a pop quiz. The final question was a surprise to everyone: “What is the first name of the woman who cleans our classroom?” Some of the students thought this was some kind of joke. Many had seen the janitor and even bumped into her several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her fifties. When the time was up, all students handed their quiz with all, but the last question answered. Nobody knew her name. At the end of the class, one student asked if the last question would count toward the quiz grade. The professor replied, “Absolutely, in your work and in life, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say “hello."
How often during the day do we take time to notice those around us: our co-workers, the checker at the grocery store, the parking attendant at the garage, friends, our spouse, or our children? When we can shift our focus from the tasks at hand to being aware of others, we are able to create connection, awareness, and empathy. Noticing can be a way to express love, and some say that attention is the most basic expression of love. Saying to your child, "I saw how patient you were with your brother" is communicating acknowledgement and care. Putting your phone away and listening to your adult son share about the challenges of find a work-family-life balance expresses much more than words could ever do. Author and educator David Augsburger has said, "Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable." Paying attention to ourselves is also an important life skill. Noticing what causes me to overreact helps me to become more aware of emotions and feelings that still need some attention. Things that trigger or challenge us are awakenings that something needs our attention. Noticing what brings us joy can help us to bring more of it into our lives. “Every day is filled with opportunities to be amazed, surprised, enthralled—to experience the enchanting everyday. To stay eager. To be, in a word, alive.” ― Rob Walker, The Art of Noticing Fore more on this topic, read some previous blogposts. awakening.html this-is-water.html At the beginning of this year, Crescentia DeGoede and I launched a podcast entitled "A Deeper Connection--A Podcast that Empowers Healing, Strengthening, and Enriching the Parent-Child Relationship." As relationship and family coaches, we wanted to find a way to support parents and adult children, and we were able to do this in collaboration with the Blessing & Family Ministry of Family Fed USA. If you haven't heard about this podcast, you can listen to our first episode where we introduce our journey of turning our vision into a reality here:
bfm.familyfed.org/a-deeper-connection-podcast/ep-1 We have had the pleasure of interviewing both parents and adult children on various topics: how healing oneself impacts relationships with others, the importance of working on intergenerational trauma, the role forgiveness plays, and being intentional in challenging the fear of being a bad parent. The sixth episode is now available--an interview with Andrew Love on his journey to become a parent. Starting from a declaration in his early twenties that he was never going to have kids because it is bad for the environment, through becoming open to the idea of having kids but dealing with a deep-seated fear that he would be a bad parent to a place where he is deeply in love with being a parent to his three boys. Andrew also shared about how his faith forms and sustains his family and has led to healing of the relationships with his parents. I invite you to listen to all the episodes at the link below. Hopefully, it will inspire and encourage you to take the next step in deepening the connection in one or more of your relationships. bfm.familyfed.org/a-deeper-connection-podcast  Several weeks ago, my husband and I spent a few days camping in the Portola Redwoods State Park. Spending time in nature away from life's busy schedule always refreshes my soul. Having no cell service allowed me to shift my focus away from my To Do list, take some deep, cleansing breaths, and become aware of the incredible sights and sounds around me. Did you know that there’s an actual scientific term for this feeling? Biophilia is a word for human’s innate draw to the natural environment. Spending time with our family in nature and forests do much for human health and often provide us with the opportunity to feel a deeper connection to God, gratitude and how we are part of this amazing universe. Portola Redwoods is a mixture of old and second-growth redwood forests include a genuinely impressive grove of old-growth redwoods along Peters Creek Loop. One tree is a 1,200-year-old goliath known as The Old Tree near park headquarters. Hiking to it, I was impressed with its size--it is more than twelve feet around and I couldn't see its top. In the presence of this towering tree, I have a renewed sense of connectedness that all living beings have. It reminded me of the poem by Ilan Shamir "Advice from a Tree" and all the wisdom that can be gained from this immense redwood. Advice from a Tree Dear Friend, Stand Tall and Proud Sink your roots deeply into the Earth Reflect the light of a greater source Think long term Go out on a limb Remember your place among all living beings Embrace with joy the changing seasons For each yields its own abundance The Energy and Birth of Spring The Growth and Contentment of Summer The Wisdom to let go of leaves in the Fall The Rest and Quiet Renewal of Winter Feel the wind and the sun And delight in their presence Look up at the moon that shines down upon you And the mystery of the stars at night. Seek nourishment from the good things in life Simple pleasures Earth, fresh air, light Be content with your natural beauty Drink plenty of water Let your limbs sway and dance in the breezes Be flexible Remember your roots Enjoy the view!  Did you know the average North American child now spends about seven hours a day staring at screens and mere minutes engaged in unstructured play outdoors? Yet recent research indicates that experiences in nature are essential for healthy growth. Regular exposure to nature can help relieve stress, depression, and attention deficits. It can reduce bullying, combat obesity, and boost academic scores. Most critical of all, abundant time in natural settings seems to yield long-term benefits in kids’ cognitive, emotional, and social development as well as connecting with our creator. Of course, spending time outdoors is important for adults as well!
Growing up, Scott Sampson—the paleontologist and CEO of Science World in Vancouver, Canada — went on annual camping trips to the Rocky Mountains with his family. However, he said in a TED talk a few years ago, “This was not where I fell in love with nature. That happened close to home — looking for rocks in the backyard, playing kick-the-can in the neighborhood, bushwhacking in the local forest.” Sampson recommends three steps we can take with our children and grandchildren to connect with nature.
To view the full TED Talk: “How to Raise a Wild Child” by Scott Sampson: https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=Mn4ve9fLsuA Sampson also wrote a great book on the same topic. www.amazon.com/How-Raise-Wild-Child-Science/dp/0544705297?tag=teco06-20 |
