|
|
On our journey in life, the most profound thing that we can offer others--partners, children, parents, friends, co-workers, bosses, neighbors--is our own healing and growth towards being a more loving person.
|
|
|
 All experts recommend having goals in our lives to feel accomplished and live a fulfilling life. But what intentions will best serve us? In thinking about it, our deepest intention is to grow into people of depth, integrity, and compassion—continually maturing our character so that who we are reflects our highest values. Together, we seek to create relationships filled with love, trust, and understanding, where genuine connection and mutual growth can flourish. Through our lives and work, we aspire to contribute meaningfully to the world, using our unique gifts to inspire, uplift, and help create a more compassionate and harmonious future for all. I believe that we can simply this into three life goals: mature my character, create loving relationships, and make a contribution to the world.
1. Mature My Character: Learning to love and care about others is an essential part of life. A person’s character is like a work of art, and we are like a sculptor, shaping and polishing our stone to reveal its innate beauty, our God given qualities. In our families, communities, and churches, we are really about character education. By practicing good habits that deepen the mind and beautify the heart, we are cultivating our character until those acts of giving, helping, and loving become ingrained within us. Winnie the Pooh said it best, "Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart." 2. Create Loving Relationships: We really need other to truly polish our character. American author Robert Fulghum's book, "All I Really Need to Know, I learned in Kindergarten," shows the simplicity of how we are meant to relate to each other. He says what a better place our world can be if we live each day like this. To make loving relationships, we must achieve a certain level of maturity through working on the first goal. And the only thing that we can leave behind is our family and our community-those who we love and love us. For more on Robert Fulghum's book: life-skills-learned-in-kindergarten.html 3. Make a Contribution to the World: We all deserve to invest time and energy into finding out that thing that we were born to do. Become an expert in something or finding the thing(s) that inspires you and use it to help others. If you don’t know what that is yet, that is ok. Pray about it, try things out, put yourself in situations where you can try new experiences. Challenge yourself to grow, collaborate with others, share ideas, look for someone else who is doing something that sparks your interest and help them out. In the process, you will learn more about yourself. And it is essential to keep growing no matter our age. Two books that I recommend for support in this area are:
 Terry Real, internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and author has said, "Family dysfunction rolls down from generation to generation, like a fire in the woods, taking down everything in its path until one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames. That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares the children that follow." His powerful words beautifully capture what it means to break free from the grip of intergenerational trauma. The patterns we inherit from our families often shape the way we love, communicate, and connect. Yet within each of us lies the power to change that story—to become the generational hero who faces the fire, heals the past, and brings peace to both our ancestors and those yet to come.
Take a minute to reflect on the relationship patterns you grew up with—how people handled conflict, showed (or withheld) love, and dealt with emotions. These early experiences become wired into your nervous system, shaping how you react when tensions rise, especially in conflicts with your partner. In stressful moments, it’s natural to default to familiar habits—even when those habits don’t serve you well. Breaking free from old patterns is an act of bravery. It means pausing when everything inside you wants to react. When your partner or child triggers you, your instinct may be to argue, withdraw, or shut down. But growth happens when you resist those impulses and take a different path—the one that leads to understanding, peace, and healing. We didn't choose the inherited patterns but with courage, we can choose how to respond to them; we can rewrite the script. Changing your relationship dynamics isn't a one-time decision but a daily practice. Here are five steps to help you get started:
If you are looking for a coach for individual or group work, please check my website: www.coachmyrna.org/coaching.html  As you may know, I work together with a group of coaches who were trained by Hilde Wiemann, Generational Healing, as well as being members of Women's Federation for World Peace (wfwp.us). We feel inspired to combine our healing work with the vision of WFWP--Women working together to establish a culture of heart in the family, community, nation, and world in order to achieve genuine and sustainable peace under God. By hosting monthly webinars, we believe that we are putting these words into practice. Our next webinar features Kendra Stein presenting highlights from Terry Real's book Fierce Intimacy.
Having had the priviledge of training under Terry Real, Kendra will share with us his essential tools for connecting with true respect, uncompromising honesty, and ever-deepening love. Join us on Saturday, October 11, 10-11:30 am PT/1-2:30 pm ET. Register here to receive the zoom link: tinyurl.com/Self-Care-Oct-11 The overarching theme for our monthly webinars is "Heal Yourself, Heal Your Family, Heal the World." Making a change begins with me because that is the only person that I have control over. But the amazing truth is that as I make effort, I change my interactions with those I care about and often, that sparks change in others as well. Each month, we are creating a global community of connecting and support by showing up, sharing, and caring about each other. All past webinars are available on our YouTube Channel.We'd love to have you join us this Saturday. www.youtube.com/@Self-Care.Isnt.Selfish/videos For other blogs that I have written on healing: www.coachmyrna.org/blog/category/healing-ourselves |