 Recently, my 92-year-old mother passed away. I was able to spend time with her the week before her passing, reflecting on the many experiences I had with her. Becoming her manicurist because she could no longer trim her own nails was an opportunity to love her through this simple act. We talked about family trips and holidays, and I asked her about her life--as the only girl in her family, how she met my dad; and we reminisced about our family trips and holidays together. I am so grateful that I had this time to be present and to be intentionally loving her. We should never underestimate the gift of time and experiences that we share together.
I'd like to share a gift of experience from my childhood that I have included in my book: www.coachmyrna.org/7-gifts-to-give-your-child.html I remember when my parents purchased two season passes to a series of local cultural events. Each month, one of my siblings or I went with one of our parents to experience a string quartet, a musical or a play. One of my favorite memories is seeing the musical performance of H.M.S. Pinafore. It meant getting dressed up and having time alone with my mom or dad. In addition, there was the opportunity to go backstage and meet the performers, see their costumes or instruments up close, and get them to sign the program. The memories of these evenings far outlasted any toy that I received. Looking back, I realize the reason that there were only two season tickets was probably financial, but it made the experience all that more special when it was my turn. All of us fall into the habit of purchasing lots of gifts for birthdays and holidays. We do so to express our love, but perhaps what our child, grandchild, parent, sibling, grandparent, niece, or nephew would value most is to spend time together creating some amazing new memories. If you are trying to figure out the best gift to give, consider gifting an experience--the gift of time. What would get the recipient of your gift excited? Maybe it is a day spent at a wonderful museum with interactive exhibits about outer space, art, animals, or construction. It may be a special meal out with mom and dad without other siblings. Perhaps it is going on a train ride to discover a new place. Maybe it is going camping and fishing or attending a concert. How about learning a new skill like painting, using a potter's wheel, snowboarding, or gardening? Maybe it is a plane ticket to fly to visit you during spring break. The possibilities are endless and limited only by your imagination. I also urge us all to take the opportunity this holiday season to reach out to someone that haven't spent much time with recently. Expressing our appreciation and gratitude to others is important. Perhaps, we need to apologize or ask for forgiveness or just create a connection. Maybe sending a card or a text is a way to reach out. For more thoughts on "Deeping the Connection", look at the blogpost from a couple of weeks ago. www.coachmyrna.org/blog/november-13th-2024 This week, I am spending time with my mom who is now on hospice. As I reflect on all my memories with her, I am so grateful that I have made time to visit with her regularly over these past few years and found ways to heal misunderstandings and resentments that I had from the past.
As we approach Thanksgiving and the season of gratitude, I encourage us all to find small ways to express our appreciations for others, especially parents and siblings who are still with us. Consider having some deeper conversations about finding grace and forgiveness for each other. I have mentioned previously a project that I am co-hosting--A Deeper Connection--a podcast with Crescentia DeGoede empowering healing, strengthening, and enriching the parent child relationship through all phases of life. Listen to the wisdom shared from those that we interviewed. tinyurl.com/Deeper-Connection For this time of year, I especially recommend Episode 4 with Justin Okamoto. He shared with us how he supported his parents in creating a time of gratitude and appreciation to each of the children at Thanksgiving. You will find this part of the interview around 20 minutes into the episode. tinyurl.com/Justin-Okamoto For more suggestions about gratitude practices: gratitude-challenge.html  I am writing this blog on the eve of the US presidential elections. At church this past Sunday, my pastor said, "Many people will be happy with the outcome of the Presidential election, and many will be very disappointed. However, let’s remain as brothers and sisters and be civil, kind and caring of each other." I have been contemplating what we need in order to live this way.
As a Safe Conversations facilitator, I instruct participants in my workshops that our goal is to seek to understand and love beyond difference. As a person of faith, I believe that there is only one God, our Heavenly Parent. Of course, there are many different expressions of faith beliefs but seeing others as my sibling, as my pastor said, means that we are part of an amazing, multi-faceted, and beautiful world family. I don't have to look far to see how quickly the reality of this idea struggles. But no matter what happens in my neighborhood, my community, and my family, I have a choice. I choose how I interact with others. I can choose to find common ground. Every Thursday, I get to step into my grandmother’s role, and I pick up my granddaughter at the elementary school near her house. As I walk into the school grounds, I am surrounded by parents and grandparents of many different ethnicities who are all there because they love their children and grandchildren. While writing this blog, I remembered a commercial that moved me to tears the first time I saw. Created by Loblaws, a Canadian grocery chain for Canada’s 150th birthday in 2017, they were on a mission to get Canadians "to eat together...to put down their phones, turn off the TV, and sit down to share a meal. When we eat together, good things happen. We share a bit of our lives. We talk, we laugh, and we share the foods we love. We get a little closer." Enjoy the commercial and think how you can do this during the holiday seasons. www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLsSy64xILI  At this time of year, we are encouraged to think about and express what we are grateful for. Whether it is during a classroom discussion, a sermon on the Sunday before Thanksgiving or around the table before the turkey is carved, we are asked what we are thankful for. Having gratitude is a worthy endeavor. But should it be reserved for only certain times of the year?
All parents want their children to be grateful for their blessings in life. Studies have shown that parents usually focus on what being grateful looks like or what we do to express that gratitude. For example, saying thank you for a gift received or a meal that we prepared. However, in a Raising Grateful Kids project conducted at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, they discovered that gratitude as an experience has four parts:
As we find ways to incorporate it into our daily life, we can model ways to notice, think, feel and express gratitude. It can be a part of our dinner conversations or bedtime routine. You can play the Rose and Thorn game, where each person tells about one rose (a good thing) and one thorn (a challenging thing) that happened that day. Show appreciation by conveying you paid attention to real effort in your child: "Your room looks so nice with the toys in their bins. I'm so happy that you remembered to put them away!" Set expectations when shopping by saying, "Today is a 'look' day. Just like going to the museum, we enjoy the beautiful things, but we aren't planning to buy anything today.” And of course, let your children know when it is a ‘buy’ day. Thank those who serve. Your example of acknowledging those who quietly make a difference in your life, from the bus driver to the person sweeping up the aftermath of a family lunch out, sends a powerful message to your children. Have them pitch in when they want something. If your kids get an allowance or earn money at a job, have them participate in buying some of the things they want. When kids themselves take the time to save up, they have an ownership stake in the purchase and gain an understanding of the value of a dollar by working toward what they want. It also teaches restraint and encourages kids to appreciate what they have, as well as giving them a more realistic perspective on what you and others do for them. And be a grateful parent. What an invaluable exercise it is to tell our kids why we're grateful to have them! It goes without saying that we love our kids, and that we're thankful beyond words for their love, their smiles, their hugs and so much more. When we tell them what makes them special to us, their self-esteem is boosted for the right reasons (not because they have the latest smartphone or because they're dressed fashionably). Plus, our example shows them that gratitude extends well beyond material things. |
