I've Hurt Someone's Heart

Recently, I was made aware that I had caused someone to feel hurt, judged and misunderstood. It was not my intention and maybe what I had said was taken out of context. But the reality was, I had hurt someone's heart. To be honest, my initial reaction was a bit defensive but if I have learned one thing in all my training to be a relationship coach and educator and communicating with those I care about, it is what I need and want to heal relationships. To do that, I cannot stay in a place where I am self-justifying or seeing things from my point of view. I need to shift my focus to finding a way to reconnect and rebuild trust and understanding. For many of us, it is challenging to say that I am sorry that I hurt you and ask, "Can we talk about it?"

To do this, we need to begin with some self-reflection. If admitting that we are wrong or struggling to say "I am sorry" is a challenge, we may need examine why that is. 

• Is it a habit that we learned because it was modeled to us by parents & teachers? 
• Does our view of ourselves prevent us from admitting mistakes? If I say that I am wrong, then does that diminish me as a person?
• Does the need to be "right" create separation between me and others?

I have realized over time that for me that part of the challenge to admit mistakes and own that I have hurt someone else comes from my present outlook on life. If I am in a space that sees myself as a victim or that life is happening to me, it definitely colors my sense of responsibility. It can even make me fearful of admitting fault because then I could be perceived as being weak or not good enough.

If you found yourself in this space at times with your spouse, children, friends, boss or co-workers, I encourage you to read a previous blog where I shared about the program that helped me change the view of myself in relationship to others.
a-new-way-to-experience-life.html
I gained insight and many tools through a program facilitated by Heather Thalheimer, David Young and Sarah Oben which will happen again in September:
www.beingwholehearted.com/radical-wholeness-course

I did reach out to the person whose heart I hurt and through meeting and talking, we cleared the air and created a deeper connection. Is that what relationships are all about?

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