The Power of Showing Up

In their book, The Power of Showing Up, Dr. Daniel Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson says, “Showing up means bringing your whole being--your attention and awareness—when you’re with your child. When we show up, we are mentally and emotionally present for our child in that moment.” The connection you create when you “show up” is at the heart of your relationship with your child whether they are two or twenty-two. Connection is the energy that is created between us and them. It allows them to feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure. 

Dr. Siegel and Dr. Bryson explain further that “Showing up isn’t the goal of parenting. It is how you move toward your desired outcome. The actual goal is what’s called secure attachment.” The benefits of secure attachment of children to their parents are huge—higher self-esteem and empathy, better ability to cope with challenges, and happier and better relationships. How do you develop it with your child? By showing up!

We do not have to be perfect parents or grandparents, never losing our cool. Nor do we need to read all the parenting bestsellers or sign our kids up for the right enrichment classes. We simply need to be present. Put aside our phone, computer, or dirty dishes, sit down with them, and listen. Ask thoughtful questions. Admit when you don't know the answers and find them together.

It is important for us to remember that parenting isn't just learning the right techniques, a collection of wise words, or the best bag of tricks. We raise responsible and happy children by finding Real Love for ourselves, so we can give our children what they need most. We cannot give our children what we do not have. More than any other relationship, parenting calls us to find our best selves.

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