​There is a tale about a student who visits a famous Zen master and asks for instruction in the way of Zen Buddhism. The master begins to discuss several topics of Buddhism like emptiness, mindfulness, and meditation.  But the student interrupts the mastersaying, “Oh, I already know that.” The master then invites the student to have some tea. When the tea is ready, the master pours the tea into a teacup, filling it to the brim, spilling tea over the sides of the cup and onto the table. The student exclaims, “Stop! You can’t pour tea into a full cup.” The master replies, “Return to me when your cup is empty.”
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We need to have room in our teacups so we can discover, learn, and grow to experience beyond what we have already in our lives. Presence, awe and wonder can challenge or expand our thinking—allowing us to see beyond what we see on the surface or what our daily habit has become.

​Mindfulness is creating awareness and space in our lives to be present to our surroundings, the people that we interact with and our own emotions and feelings. Making space to be mindful allows us to pay attention to how God and goodness is present in our lives instead of feeling overwhelmed with events of the past, being self-critical or judgmental towards ourselves or others, or stressing about the future.

Recently, I have been participating in a 40 day Mindfulness Daily practice as part of a training. I am amazed at how committing to spend 15 minutes in a guided daily practice can help me to find greater inner peace and recognize the emotions and feelings that I don't notice when I am busy doing life.

During that short time, I can connect with an amazing river of emotions and feelings and with the words in Psalms 139, "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
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I encourage you to check out this free resource with Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach and give mindfulness a place in your daily life.               jackkornfield.com/product/mindfulness-daily/

What do Albert Einstein, Marie Curie, Martin Luther King Jr., Sojourner Truth, and Helen Keller all have in common? They were all people who impacted the world by the way they lived their life and left a lasting legacy. Many others who are less well-known have surely made an impression on our lives--teachers, scout leaders, youth pastors, parents and more.

As a child, I was deeply moved by the life of Albert Schwitzer. The overarching principle that guided him was 'reverence for life', a philosophy that took him to the jungles of Africa, where he healed many and touched the lives of millions worldwide. It impressed me that when he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize of 1952, he used the $33,000 prize money, he started the leprosarium at Lambaréné. I used to have a quote from him beside my desk: "Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful."

If you are thinking about what legacy you want to leave, consider the following questions:

• What Values and Beliefs Are Most Important to You? Your core values and beliefs are a fundamental part of your legacy. What principles and ideals do you want to pass on to future generations?
• How Do You Want to Be Remembered? Think about the qualities and characteristics you want others to associate with you when they remember you. Is it kindness, integrity, resilience, creativity, or something else?
• What Causes and Issues Are You Passionate About? Your legacy can be tied to the causes or issues you are passionate about. What positive change or impact do you want to make in these areas?
• Who Do You Want to Influence or Inspire? Consider the people you want to influence, inspire, or support. This might include your family, friends, community, or even society.
• What Accomplishments or Achievements Will Reflect Your Legacy? Think about the specific accomplishments, projects, or contributions you want to be remembered for. These can be personal, professional, or related to your community involvement.
• How Are You Actively Working Toward Your Legacy? Identify the actions you are currently taking to build your legacy. This may involve volunteering, mentoring, creating art, writing, or any other meaningful pursuits that align with your legacy goals.
• How Are You Developing and Passing on Your Wisdom and Knowledge? Consider how you are sharing your wisdom and knowledge with others, especially the younger generation. This can be through teaching, mentoring, or documenting your experiences and insights.
• Are You Leading by Example? Living in alignment with your values and beliefs is a powerful way to lead by example and inspire others to do the same.
• What Is Your Impact on Relationships? Reflect on the quality of your relationships and the positive impact you have on the people around you. Building strong, positive relationships can be an integral part of your legacy.
• How Are You Giving Back? Giving back to your community or causes you care about is a significant way to build a legacy. Consider how you are contributing to the well-being of others.

For more on my own legacy, read last week's blog post: leaving-a-legacy.html

In the 1300s at Cambridge University in England, a chapel was constructed for one of the colleges. The vaulted roof supported by huge beams fashioned from old-growth oak.  Seven hundred years later, the beams had deteriorated so much that the roof was in danger of collapsing.  The building required extensive renovation, including replacing these large oak beams.  Where could they find giant oak trees of such an age and quality of the original ones?

The answer--the original builders of the chapel had known this day would come so they planted acorns in the church yard. Over the centuries, a grove of trees had grown to full maturity. The vision of those chapel builders to ensure the survival of the chapel extended hundreds of years into the future.  Leaving a Legacy is making a contribution that will impact future generations including your family and others that you may never know.

Have you thought about what you want to leave behind or pass on from the wisdom learned in your life? This is a deeply personal and meaningful aspect of your life. Building a legacy is about the impact you have on the world and the lasting impression you make on others. 

Part of my life's work has been enriching family relationships, bringing joy into others' marriage, parenting, and life. A recent project that I am part of is "A Deeper Connection," a podcast that supports the healing and strengthening of the parent and child relationship. The podcast is hosted by Crescentia DeGoede and myself in collaboration with the Blessing & Family Ministry of Family Fed, USA. Interviewing parents and adult children, our goal is to share lessons learned and steps forward for all families. So far, we have five podcasts with more to come. Please listen to the experience of others:
bfm.familyfed.org/a-deeper-connection-podcast

Next week, read the blog for ideas on leaving your own legacy.

In her book, Radical Acceptance, Tara Brach, Ph.D. states D. H. Lawrence described our Western culture as being like a great uprooted tree with its roots in the air. “We are perishing for lack of fulfillment of our greater needs,” he wrote, “we are cut off from the great sources of our inward nourishment and renewal.” We come alive as we rediscover the truth of our goodness and our natural connectedness to all of life. Our “greater needs” are met in relating lovingly with each other, relating with full presence to each moment, relating to the beauty and pain that is within and around us.

We live our lives plagued with the feeling that we are not good enough. Fears, insecurities, and desires have been passed along for generations. We are imperfect people who were parented by imperfect parents, raised by their imperfect parents. Mother Teresa provided the startling insight, "The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis but rather the feeling of not belonging."

We have developed strategies to manage the pain of inadequacy. Which of the following do you recognize in yourself?

• We embark on one self-improvement project after another
• We hold back and play it safe rather than risking failure
• We withdraw from our experience of the present moment
• We keep busy 
• We become our own worst critics
• We focus on other people's faults, turning them into the enemy

The first step in reconnecting to our own goodness is awareness, recognizing these tendencies in ourselves and in our relationships with others. Tara Brach, Ph.D. calls the process of reconnection cultivating Radical Acceptance, learning to free ourselves from being at war within and moving toward living our lives with a wise and compassionate heart. This is best done with the support of family and community. Acknowledging our need for connection and both giving and receiving unconditional love is an important step in this process as well.

As D.H. Lawrence further stated, we must replant ourselves again in the universe where our roots can be nourished. It is time  to connect with our intrinsic worth and value, loving ourselves so that we can better love our families, neighbors, friends and beyond. The words of Jesus calls us to love our neighbors as ourselves.

For more on Connection in the Family:
gifts-we-can-give-our-children-connection.html
Guided Meditation: Pathway to Inner Peace, with Tara Brach:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=qn6m0oN6cwI
Radical Acceptance with Tara Brach: 
www.youtube.com/watch?v=0S4sep6mu7I

​David Augsburger, author, and educator. said, "Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable." Learning to ask questions and really listen to what our child says is an incredible parenting tool. It is important for us to listen, not to respond with our own ideas or opinions, but to understand what lies behind the words. With practice, this can lead us to place of empathy and greater connection.

Asking guiding questions instead of telling a child what to do empowers them to begin to solve their own problems, creates cooperation instead of resistance, shares the control and helps to develop self-efficacy and ownership. Notice how this plays out in the scenario with four-year-old Alex and his mom.

• “Alex, honey. You still have your slippers on, and we have to go to school. The car leaves in 5 minutes.”
• “I like my Mickey Mouse slippers, Mama. I want to wear them to school.”
• “I know you like them, Sweetie. How do you think your slippers will work in the classroom.”
• “Great”
• “How do you think they’ll work when you go outside for recess?”
• “Oh” (He thinks about this for a bit. His mom is quiet and doesn’t say a word, giving Alex time to think.” “I gotta change into my tennis shoes, Mama. But can I pack my slippers in my backpack?”
• “Sure, honey. Car leaves in four minutes.”

Guided questions have the purpose of supporting younger children towards making important choices without coercion or creating a power-struggle.

With teenagers and young adults, asking open-ended questions with no agenda and no right answer leads to greater communication. They can be asked in a non-judgmental way and are conducive to dialog. They keep us from telling our teenage or adult children what to do. Asking, "Don't you think this is the best job for you?" isn't really a question. It is giving an opinion in the guise of a question. An open-ended question is one that we don't already know the answer to. It comes from a place of curiosity and openness. It might be something like:

• "Which of the job opportunities seems to most aligned with your career goals?"
• "Tell me about your new job--what is it like?"
• "I was impressed how you managed your sister's criticism? How did you remain so calm?"
• "It must be hard to balance school and your job. What helps you to keep going?"
• "Tell me more about your job--what is the most exciting/boring part? How are your co-workers?"
• "Recently, I was looking at some photos of your grandparents. I am wondering what your favorite memories are of them?"

So much can be learned by simply sitting with someone and listening to their experiences without interrupting or offering solutions or judgment. We can always ask, "Is there more about that?" giving them permission to go deeper. Often, what our children are seeking is to be seen, heard, and loved.