Did you know that there is a resource for imparting wisdom that we often overlook? It is the use of books and literature in our homes to subtly set the stage for a conversation about a topic that we’d like to explore. As I mentioned in a previous blogpost, having a weekly family meeting that includes reading a short book or a chapter of a longer book provides the opportunity to share family values or open a discussion. family-meetings-recipe-for-success.html

Books and stories provide the opportunity to visit a culture that we know little about, and widen our view of the world. Ann Patchett, renowned American author has said, “Reading fiction not only develops our imagination and creativity, it gives us the skills to be alone. It gives us the ability to feel empathy for people we've never met, living lives we couldn't possibly experience for ourselves, because the book puts us inside the character's skin.”

In addition, the most recent market research on how to sharpen our brain suggests that the easiest and most time-tested method is . . . READING! The very nature of reading encourages the brain to work harder and better. Typically, when we read, we have more time to think. Reading gives us a unique pause button for comprehension and insight. With oral language—when we watch a film or listen to an audio story—we don’t press pause.

This is especially true for anyone who struggles with reading. Scientists at Carnegie Mellon University studied children ages eight to ten who were below-average readers. One hundred hours of remedial reading classes significantly improved the quality of their brains’ white matter—the tissue that carries signals between areas of gray matter, where information is processed. The researchers’ concluded that the brains of these children had begun to rewire themselves in ways that could benefit the entire brain, not only the reading-centric temporal cortex.

So, if you still have a present to buy for your child, a grandchild or a favorite niece or nephew, consider buying a book and read it to them, if you can. In the case that you have already purchased all of your holiday gifts, consider doing this for an upcoming birthday or other occasion. If you need some book suggestions, here is a list of some of my favorites that I have read to my children and students over the years.https://tinyurl.com/2p83c24j

And for parents, consider giving them 7 Gifts to Give Your Child: Parenting That Will Touch Their Future as a present to allow them to discover more wisdom for themselves.   https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B09L7KS5VH

Once our adult children become parents, we naturally want to develop and nurture healthy, loving and enjoyable relationships with our grandchildren. Grandparenting can be our second chance to give what we missed giving the first time around. What greater legacy could there be than leaving one of love for our grandchildren? Grandparenting experts Tim and Darcy Kimmel, authors of Extreme Grandparenting have said, "We are the link to the past, the anchor to the present and the bridge to the future."

Currently, my husband and I are reading Doing Life With Your Adult Children--Keep Your Mouth Shut & The Welcome Mat Out by Jim Burns and we have discovered a great deal of wisdom throughout this book on topics such as: 

• Your role as a the parent must change
• Unsolicited advice is usually taken as criticism
• Discover the difference in the culture of these emerging adults
• Your job is to help them move from dependence to independence

One of the most interesting chapters for me was "Being a Grandparent May Be Your Biggest Legacy. I especially enjoyed the suggestions on connecting with and influencing our grandkids. The list below is adapted from Chapter 9 of Jim Burns' book.

• Be present. Be fun. Be generous: Our presence as grandparents matters whether we live nearby and can take them to the park and attend their activities or we keep in touch virtually. Be the grandparent who sends a text to say hi or tell a joke. Make a weekly or monthly time to connect in person or on zoom. Find a way that works for you to read regularly with your grandkids. Keep a stash of books at your home or in a bag in the car for when you visit them. Go to the local library together. Here is a link with a load of suggestions for reading in-person or virtually and it includes book suggestions for different ages and by genre: imaginationsoup.net/tips-grandparents-grandkids-read
• Make lifelong memories and traditions: If your children & grandchildren live close, have a weekly meal or outing together. Plan an annual vacation together. Create a special closet, shelf, drawer or corner in your home that has things just for grandkids to play with. How about a special trip with you and your grandchild when they become a teenager (13)? For more ideas on this topic for parents or grandparents, visit one of my past blogs.  www.coachmyrna.org/coachmyrna-blog/july-12th-2018
• Offer grace--constantly:  Our job as grandparents is not to give advice but to praise and support. Offering grace is more powerful than pointing out mistakes. This can be especially healing if we look back on raising our own children and realize that we were sometimes too tough on them.
• Celebrate everything: Look for opportunities to acknowledge important days in the lives of our grandchildren--birthdays, graduations, first day of kindergarten or a new job, school or work promotions, etc. Again, Jim Burns says it beautifully, "As you celebrate and recognize the rites of passage in your grandkids' lives, you weave a beautiful memory into your heart and theirs; a memory that you were present and cheered them on." 
• Recognizing your role as a mentor: We have experiences and wisdom that our grandchildren cannot get from anyone else. When we are present in their lives, we can be a safe and secure place that allows our grandchildren to be themselves and offers support, comfort, hope and perspective.
• Keep supporting your adult children in their role as parents: Jim Burns says, "Your relationship with your adult children is the single most important gateway to your grandchildren." We have to let our children raise our grandchildren their way, even if we think that it is wrong. It is important to let go of thinking that we have all the answers and offer our adult children the grace that they need to be confident parents. Consider giving them 7 Gifts to Give Your Child: Parenting That Will Touch Their Future as a present to allow them to discover more wisdom for themselves.  www.coachmyrna.org/7-gifts-to-give-your-child.html

If you are trying to figure out what gift to give your child, grandchild, niece or nephew--consider gifting an experience/the gift of time.

What would get the recipient of your gift excited? Maybe it is a day spent at a wonderful museum with interactive exhibits about outer space, art, animals or construction. It may be a special meal out with mom and dad and no other siblings. Perhaps it is going on a train ride to discover a new place. Maybe it is going camping and fishing or attending a concert. How about learning a new skill like painting, using a potter's wheel, snowboarding or gardening? Maybe it a plane ticket to fly to visit you during spring break. The possibilities are endless and limited only by your imagination.

One of the experiences that I remember as a child is from my recently released book:  www.coachmyrna.org/7-gifts-to-give-your-child.html

All of us fall into the habit of purchasing lots of gifts for birthdays and holidays. We do so to express our love, but often what our child really wants most is to spend time together. I remember when my parents purchased two season passes to a series of cultural events. Each month, one of my siblings or I went with one parent to experience a string quartet or hear highlights from a musical performance of H.M.S. Pinafore. It meant getting dressed up and having time alone with my mom or dad. In addition, there was the opportunity to go backstage and meet the performers, see their costumes or instruments up close, and get them to sign the program. The memories of these evenings far outlasted any toy that I received.

I want to re-share a post from a few years ago because it has an important message for all of us as parents, grandparents and even aunts, uncles and other family members. I am not the author of this post but as a teacher for over 20 years, the truth of these words are so powerful.

Dear Parents & Grandparents,

I know at this time of year the sounds, smells and decorations of Christmas are everywhere.  As a parent, there is pressure to make a perfect, magical experience. You want to create lasting memories and give your children the best gifts possible. Sometimes that means a lot of stress on you to get everything done. You may wonder how you can afford to buy all that their hearts’ desires or how you will possibly have enough time to fit everything in.

I want to tell you a secret. Every January, when your children come back to school, they tell me all about the Christmas holidays. I hear about the day that everyone stayed in their pajamas and watched favorite movies. They tell me about walking together in the freezing cold to get something at McDonalds. They remember driving around looking at the best decorated houses and having hot cocoa afterwards.

I hear about the morning that you didn’t have to go to work and how everyone snuggled together in your bed. Or about the days that they stayed at Grandma’s until you came back from work. They tell me about visiting cousins that they haven’t seen for a long time and how they stayed in a hotel with a pool. Sometimes, I hear about how they visited friends on New Year’s Eve and they got to stay awake until midnight. Or how it snowed and everyone had a huge snowball fight!

Usually they mention their presents, but for them Christmas is about you and your love, time, routines and feeling safe. You are their favorite gift!
 
A teacher
(adapted from an Instagram post)

If you have adult children who are parents, consider giving them "7 Gifts to Give Your Child--Parenting That Will Touch Their Future" as a gift this year. www.amazon.com/gp/product/B09L7KS5VH