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​On our journey in life, the most profound thing that we can offer others--
partners, children, parents, friends, co-workers, bosses, neighbors--
is our own healing and growth towards being a more loving person.

Teaching Teens and Young Adults Healthy Financial Principles

4/18/2024

 
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According to groundbreaking reseach done by Jeffrey Arnett in The Clark University Poll of Parents of Emerging Adults, the most common worry or concern among parents of their adult children is money problems. It was more concerning than them not being able to find a job, choosing the wrong romantic partner and their educational progress. More than 75% of parents help their adult children with some kind of financial support and money problems can the a major source of conflict between parents and adult children. It seems that we need to do a better job of preparing our teenagers and young college students to have financial independece and responsibility.

​Here are several suggestions to support you in moving your child toward finanical responsibility and independence.
  • Develop a Clear Exit Strategy--This means talking with your teenager or college student about what your financial aid with include. Your child needs to be clear about what you will and won't pay for when they move out, whether it is to go to college, start working, or do some volunteer position. Some families find it helpful to get the support of a financial planner. Since people support what they help create, your teenagers/college students should be involved.
  • Foster Independence--Does your child know how to make a budget or plan for a large purchase? Give them opportunities to practice supporting the family. Consider inviting them to help pay family bills, make a budget, balance a checkbook and work on preparing tax returns. My three sons learned some of this while being part of Scouts. We also gave them the incentive of matching the funds they raised for a important project or purchase. When one of my sister's was working on her Masters, she gave the responsibility of shopping for the family each week from a list and budget that she prepared. They learned to look for sales and use coupons because if they spent less than the budget, they could buy whatever snacks they wanted with the difference.
  • Allowance--You can read my post last week on the-art-of-allowance.html  When children become teenagers, consider giving them more allowance and making them responsible for buying clothes and paying for gifts and outings with friends. This can give them a sense of budgeting, planning and being accountable.
  • Healthy Financial Principles To Pass On:
    • ​Spend less than you make
    • Debt is slavery
    • Delayed gratification is the key to financial maturity
    • Give 10 percent, save 10 percent
    • A budget is a must

The Art of Allowance

4/11/2024

 
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Recently, a parent asked me what I think about giving allowances to kids. I would like to share an excerpt from my book "7 Gifts to Give Our Children" on this topic. There are many ideas about giving kids allowances—when to start, how much, are they tied to doing chores, etc. I believe that it is important to give a child an allowance, so they can gain experience to use and value money, to save up for something extra special, and to develop accountability.
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Most experts agree that around five years old is a good age to begin an allowance. Whatever you decide is the right amount to give to your child, most experts also support the idea that the allowance is given freely, not tied to completing chores. Allowance given as a reward for chores makes the child’s effort in line with someone hired to do the work, whereas chores are meant to be contributions to the family, as I explained in the first chapter of my book.

Having researched a number of books on giving allowance, I would like to recommend John Lanza’s book, The Art of Allowance, as an excellent resource. He states, “This book will continue to emphasize the core skills . . . saving for goals, distinguishing needs from wants and making smart money choices. I’ll walk you through setting up an allowance with your child. You’ll learn about the weekly distribution into the three jars--Share, Save and Spend Smart—and tactics to deal with bumps along the way."

The guidelines that he recommends are:
  • Begin when your child is five, but if you haven’t already done that, begin now. Set up three actual jars labeled “Share,” “Save” and “Spend Smart,” as this enhances the visualization for your child.
  • Distribute the cash allowance weekly for the greatest impact and opportunities for your child to make wise choices. The author suggests giving your child one dollar per week per year old, but that is completely adjustable according to your financial situation and what you agree upon as parents.
  • He also suggests that each week the child is required to put one dollar (or a portion) in the Save Jar and one dollar (or a portion) in the Share Jar. The required deposit in to the Save Jar is to reinforce the idea that one should pay oneself first, and the required deposit into the Share Jar is to reinforce the idea of gratitude and setting aside money to help others. The child can decide where to put the rest of the allowance. They can transfer money from the Spend Jar to the Save Jar (for a future bigger purchase) or to the Share Jar, but not vice versa.
  • Decide what things your child is responsible for purchasing with their own money. This is a fantastic opportunity to have conversations with your child about needs versus wants. Things that you are not inclined to purchase for them can become ones that they save up for.
  • The Share Jar creates an opportunity for your child to learn about charitable giving. Since it isn’t want-based, it will take more encouragement and support from you. Donations from the Share Jar can include projects at school, online or church donations, UNICEF, or local programs. This is part of helping your child develop good stewardship.
  • As your child gains financial experience and becomes a teen, the author recommends having conversations about increasing the allowance and including areas that they take more responsibility for such as clothing, food, gifts for friends, entertainment, and communication. He suggests that they pay a portion towards the cell phone bill each month if they have a phone. Before the youth moves away from home, Mr. Lanza recommends having them make a budget—first a monthly and then a yearly one for their expenses to help them develop smart spending habits.
  • To make things easier for teens, Mr. Lanza suggests getting prepaid cards, so then you can transfer the money directly. Each child can still have three accounts for save, spend, and share.
  • You can find more information and resources in his book and website listed below.
  • www.amazon.com/Art-Allowance-Practical-Money-Smart-Money-Empowered/dp/0982682042
  • themoneymammals.com/

Stay tuned for more wisdom about supporting teens and young adults to gain financial habits and independence next week.

We Can Improve & Transform the World Through Our Parenting

11/2/2018

 
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Today, almost one-half the world’s population is 25 years old or younger. Ready or not, they will lead our world into the future. Members of Generation Y (Millennials born between 1984-2000) and Generation Z (Centennials born between 2001-2018) are hungry to change the world and as parents, teachers and mentors, we can help them.

Both generations are influenced by less than ideal parenting styles (overparenting, paranoid parenting, permissive parenting, etc.) They also are greatly impacted by the advances in technology:  immediate access to world events often difficult to process, availability creating distractions & addictions, loss of real conversations and relationships, instant gratification expectations, and so much more. Simon Sinek, British-American author, motivational speaker and organizational consultant, summarizes how these challenges impact millennials as they enter the workforce in a Ted Talk here tinyurl.com/y7a9txzz

​Dr. Tim Elmore, president and found of Growing Leaders, is passionate about understand the emerging generation and helping adults—parents, teachers, coaches—teach them how to become leaders in their families, schools, communities and careers. As an author and speaker, Dr. Elmore shares four proven parenting strategies. You can read the whole article here   tinyurl.com/y7jmc2xt

Four Strategies for Parenting Generation Z
By Dr. Tim Elmore, Growing Leaders Ready for Real Life
So, let me suggest some parenting ideas you might use as you lead your kids:

1. Don’t freak out
We need to let our kids take appropriate risks in our “safety first” world. But, when they choose something odd or even crazy, stay calm. Whatever you do—don’t freak out at the seemingly strange decisions teens feel empowered to make today. From tattoos, to piercings, to decisions about friends, to gender fluidity—kids growing up today are living in a very new world. If we don’t react emotionally, but talk to them respectfully, we earn the right to help them think through the long-term implications of their choices. This is our role: wise and steady leadership. Equip them to think long-term; think big-picture, and think high road.

2. Affirm them accurately and specifically
Generation Z kids are privy to the hyperbolic praise Millennials got from parents. Everything was described as “awesome”—even when it really wasn’t. Adult leaders should be thoughtful with their encouragement, praising teens with words that reflect the genuine performance of the teen. They’ll actually believe us if we do. Also, we must affirm “effort”—which is a controllable—instead of what’s uncontrollable. Instead of saying to a female, “You’re gorgeous,” why not say: “I love the strategy you used when you planned your student council campaign. It was spot on.”

3. Be clear about their equations
I discourage having a ton of “rules,” and encourage you to remind kids of life’s “equations.” Equations are simply outcomes for wise or poor behavior: if you do this, that is the benefit; if you do that, this is the consequence. As a result, students begin to learn that life is full of equations. Upon entering adulthood: if you don’t pay your rent, you lose the apartment; if you do pay rent on time, you get to keep it. Such equations will equip Generation Z kids about how the world works. Make the equations clear and be sure to follow up on them.

4. Model consistency
One of the most conspicuously absent elements in our world today is consistency. Nothing seems to be consistent—except inconsistency. Uncertainty is everywhere. Change is happening all the time: couples divorcing; jobs changing; rules are updated; TV shows are terminated…even our Internet connection can be spotty. Parents and teachers must be consistent in their verbal and visual cues. Kids feel secure when consistent leadership is exemplified.


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