I am excited to announce that my book is now available on Amazon here: https://tinyurl.com/7-Gifts-to-Give-Your-Child

​I'd like to share two tools that I recommend for parents, grandparents, nannies and teachers to help preschool and elementary age children learn to make better choices and gain the gift of accountability. This is an excerpt from 7 Gifts to Give Your Child--Parenting That Will Touch Their Future, Chapter 5--The Gift of Accountability.

Clip Chart:
This is a tool that I used as a teacher, but it is easily adapted to home use. Using a piece of construction paper, cardstock, or poster board that is approximately 12” by 18,” divide it into five equal sections and label it according to the diagram. You could even use five paper plates, an idea I saw recently on a play school post.

Write each child’s name on a clothespin and clip them on one side of the chart. Every morning, the child’s clip begins at Ready to Learn. When they make good choices, they can move their clip up to Good Choices or Great Job. If they make a poor choice, they move the clip down to Think About It or Conference with Parent for a more serious or repeated offense. Ideally, you let the child think about it for a short time, and then move it back up to Ready to Learn after a conversation about the different choices they need to make.

This visual works best with children elementary school age or younger. I found that making each section a different color was helpful. For example, I made Ready to Learn green, Good Choices blue and Great Job purple. I used yellow for Think About It and red for Conference with Parent/Teacher. Be creative with the wording; for instance, maybe labeling the middle section Ready to Grow makes more sense for your child.

The chart is most effective if you introduce it as a tool to help your child get feedback on their behavior and choices. Having them move their own clip is an important part of this process. It isn’t meant to be punitive but to serve as a reminder that there are consequences for actions and words. Use it as long as it is effective, and then take a break for a while before revisiting it.

Good Choices Jar:  Another classroom tool adaptable for the home is the Good Choices Jar. Using any plastic or glass jar, put a marble in the jar each time that you observe your child making a positive choice. You can use it for a specific behavior that you would like to support, or it can be for any helpful or kind words or actions. The jar can be for one child or for everyone in the family.

When the jar is full, have a Good Choices Party and do something wonderful or go somewhere special. Let your child help to come up with the reward for a full jar of marbles. Make sure that the size of the jar is challenging but not unattainable to fill. You can have the rule that the child can report helpful things that they did (that you didn’t observe) when it is corroborated by a sibling, friend or parent.

Consider reading the book yourself and giving it as holiday gifts to your adult children who are parents. Or give it as a baby shower gift or give it to any other young parents that you know.

​To purchase 7 Gifts to Give Your Child--Parenting That Will Touch Their Future, visit: 
https://tinyurl.com/7-Gifts-to-Give-Your-Child

I recently spent the day at a beautiful Maui beach on vacation with family. As I made my way into the water, it was a struggle to navigate with waves break around my knees pulling me towards the shore and the receding water underneath pulling my feet back towards the ocean. Finally, I reached the deeper water and was able to float effortlessly, rising with the swelling waves instead of wrestling with them.

As I relaxed and looked around, I noticed a school of small fish swim by and a sea turtle raise its head out of the water to breathe. A young child, supported by a parent, was learning to ride a surfboard into the shore. Off in the distance, a sailboat glided along.

I reflected on the strength of the ocean. The ocean isn’t something to control but we can find ways to cooperate with the ocean's power—like the surfers we had seen the day before. Learning to respect this power is important for anyone living and working near an ocean.

If I am honest with myself, I’ve spent a lot of energy trying to control things in my life that weren’t meant to be controlled—people, situations, relationships, circumstances, and more. How about you? What relationship comes to mind—your child, your partner, maybe a boss or co-worker, or how about a parent or in-law? When was the last time you struggled with a frustrating situation at work, on a committee or during a family vacation when things just weren’t working?

There are some things that have helped me to learn to let go of this need to control. First, I am learning to not take things personally. Usually, people are doing the best they can. When others overreact, it isn’t just to me but to a lifetime of pain and wounding. Studying and practicing Real Love with intentional small groups has given me the support and safety to discover my own wounding and begin to heal.

Secondly, learning the tools of Safe Conversations has helped me become a better listener as well as find ways to communicate my own needs calmly and with respect. Also, I have discovered practices that support me letting go of the need to control—Emotional Freedom Technique, Mindfulness, Inner Child work, Ho’oponopono, journaling, meditation and more. As a coach and educator, I use all of these tools to help others work towards a happier life. 

Still reflecting, I made my way back toward the beach. Suddenly, I found myself knocked off balance by a wave and landed face down in the sand. Before I could get up, I was on my back, flipped over like a pancake by an aggressive chef. It was a good reminder that I need to be present to the work of continuing to find greater balance in my life. And because I have been working on letting things go that I can’t control, I got up with a smile and as much grace as I could muster.

If you would like to know more about what I offer as a coach, click here: Coaching Find out more about Safe Conversations and considering signing up for the next workshop, click here: Safe Conversations