Recently, I was having a video call with my six-year-old granddaughter, and I learned how to add emojis to my image. With the help of my granddaughter and her mom, I became a giraffe, a tiger, or a princess. I sometimes feel intimidated about many tools available on my phone and computer. I realized that this is often because of my thinking--my mindset--about my inability to learn something new.

I remember a webinar I attended that introduced the difference between a fixed and a growth mindset. Below are a few of the highlights that I learned from this program:
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• Feedback: With a fixed mindset, we fear the suggestions of others--our spouse, manager, boss, or friend because we see them as challenges to be feared and indications of failure. Seeing feedback as a gift is part of a growth mindset. We can look at it as ways to grow and change. It can allow us to realize that the only real mistake is not learning from an experience or situation.
• Be a buffalo, not a cow: When a storm comes, the cow turns away from the storm and prolongs the suffering. But the buffalo turns into the storm and goes into the storm, reducing the amount of time they spend exposed to its harsh conditions. Like the buffalo, learn to lead yourself to face challenges and new experiences.
• Benefits of a Growth Mindset: Learning to have a growth mindset increases our optimism, enthusiasm, and hope for life. It improves our relationships with ourselves and others and enhances fulfillment. Learning to say AND instead of BUT stretches our comfort zone. Practicing a growth mindset is like water on a stone, gradually helping us to cultivate awareness and wisdom.

To watch the webinar that was part of the Self-Care Isn't Selfish series:
Growth Mindset With Rebecca Boswell: youtu.be/x6IlGj4svYo?si=1rhf_PLdkrzCM1jZ

Franklin D. Roosevelt said, "Forests are the lungs of our land, purifying the air and giving fresh strength to our people." Last week, I had the opportunity to spend time in the towering old-growth redwood trees of Muir Woods in Northern California. Named for John Muir, who often wrote about the beauty and value of ancient forests, the park is truly a sanctuary to experience the symbiotic relationship that exists between trees and humans. As I entered the section of the trail called The Cathedral Grove, I was struck how most of us there observed the signs that requested us to Enter Quietly. It was easy to connect with something larger than myself, surrounded by towering trees, many of them over six hundred years old. 

A few days later, I received a newsletter entitled "Breathing With the Forest” from Daily Good--News That Inspires.  www.dailygood.org/  After reading the description in the article (below), I clicked on the link and was immediately transported to an amazing experience in the Amazon Rainforest. If you don't live near a forest or cannot travel there today, take the opportunity to visit through this virtual digital experience.

'Breathing with the Forest' is an immersive digital experience that explores the illusion of separation between us and the rest of the planet, a reminder that “with each breath we exchange parts of ourselves with the wider world.” The Capinuri tree grows in the Amazon River floodplain where the Breathing experience creators photographed and collected three-dimensional scans and audio recordings of the wind, trees, animals, and water. Capturing the individual elements demonstrates the beauty of each individual living object; in relayering them for the experience, however, the creators demonstrate the opportunity available to notice how they interact; an invitation to appreciate the symbiosis of living alongside one another. “Entering the forest, we step out of our separateness to embody something much more than human.”  Click here and make sure to have the sound turned on:
emergencemagazine.org/feature/breathing-with-the-forest/

​As a teenager, I had a mantra of sorts--Life is hard and then you die. Of course, I grew beyond this despondent and depressing outlook on life. However, there are still many times that I resist growth. It is difficult to have hope that I can be more patient, loving, forgiving and joyful. The reality is that growth can be painful, we must acknowledge the wounds, mistakes, and difficult memories of our past. The poet Rumi saw the clear relationship between our wounds and our awakening--our growth. He said, “Don’t turn away. Keep your gaze on the bandaged place. That’s where the light enters you.” The reality is that not to grow is hard and to grow is hard. If it is going to be hard either way, doesn’t it serve us to choose growth?

We have regular opportunities through the relationships with our spouse, children, boss and co-workers, friends, and others to recognize our wounds and pains. Rather than thinking of them as triggers, learn to take a couple of breaths and view these as awakenings to something that needs our attention. If I feel frustrated and angry when my child spills their cereal, leaves the kitchen a mess, or forgets to fill up the car with gas, I can lose my temper and yell. If my spouse or friend says something that feels like criticism, I can respond defensively. Or I can take a step back and consider what is behind my reaction. Did I experience this as a child? Do I hold myself and others to such a high standard that mistakes are not allowed? Do I need some time to care for myself and my needs so that I can be more patient with others?

Choosing growth means that we need to give ourselves space and grace to move into the wounds of our past and allow healing to occur. Learning to see ourselves from God's point of view, acknowledging our intrinsic value and divinity, is an essential part of this journey. If you do not already have meditation practice, I encourage you to start one. There are many forms of meditation including walking in nature, journaling and using guided meditation. I have listed a few resources and past blogs below to support you in choosing growth.

Meditation: insighttimer.com/tiger/guided-meditations/it-s-time-to-grow
Post Blog posts
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re-parenting-ourselves.html

​In her book, The Conscious Parent, Dr. Shefali Tsabary says, “Through our children, we get orchestra seats to the complex theatrics of our immaturity, as they evoke powerful emotions in us that can cause us to feel as though we aren’t in control—with all the frustrations, insecurity, and angst that accompanies this sensation.” We have many opportunities to get upset, react, or get triggered throughout our day--with our boss or a co-worker, while driving in traffic, with a friend, or our spouse. However, children seem to have the unique ability to know how to push our buttons! I'd like to point out that this gives us the opportunity to re-parent ourselves.

There is a reason we are getting upset, giving in, or overreacting. Learning about what causes us to react and understanding why some things bother us more than others is an important part of parenting. Getting triggered is when we have an intense physical or emotional reaction to an event or interaction. Often something our child or someone else says or does connects us to a difficult childhood memory. 

We can begin by realizing that getting overly upset or triggered is something to pay attention to rather than be ashamed of. I like to think of such opportunities as "awakenings." These intense interactions uncover something in me that perhaps I already knew deep inside. Starting with this awareness, we can begin to see that there is more at stake than simply someone else's words or actions. At times, we can work through these challenges on our own, but sometimes we need the support of a friend, coach, or mental health professional, and that’s okay. 

Parenting and grandparenting give us the tremendous opportunity to reparent ourselves! Reparenting means to work through emotions, habits and experiences from our past that stand in the way of being our best selves right now and make different choices in our current relationships. 

To do this involves learning to:

• avoid unnecessary conflict 
  
• take responsibility for our less-than-ideal responses
  
• bring more empathy into our lives and
  
• grow together with those we care for and love 

For more on this: 
​www.prepare-enrich.com/blog/4-benefits-of-understanding-your-triggers

​Recently, I attended a retreat focused on the inner work needed to become unconditionally loving. It gave me the opportunity to reflect on my journey over the past seven years of moving from surviving to thriving. I will be sharing some of that journey here and in upcoming blogs. If you would like support on your own path, I invite you to visit my coaching page: Coaching With Myrna                                 
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Most days find us juggling too much, and just trying to get through the day becomes our goal. So, how do we become more present to those we care about the most? It starts with being more connected to ourselves and shining the light on the path in front of us. Recognizing that we cannot change the past but that we can impact our future, we need to acknowledge those moments when we need support. Asking for help, learning to forgive ourselves for our shortcomings, and making time for reflection will serve us best as we move bravely forward into unexplored regions.

Becoming aware of what is blocking or hindering us is a key place to start—whether it is limiting beliefs, a difficult childhood, a traumatic event, or habits cultivated over many years. Realizing that our parents did the best they could, we can begin to look at what is helpful from our past, and what we need to release because it is not serving our best interests. With patience and understanding when looking in the mirror of self-awareness, we can fold back the layers of who we have become to discover who we really want to be.

For me, the awareness that I am holding on to unnecessary baggage began a long time ago, but I fought it tooth and nail, always falling back into what I knew—the familiarity of “doing.” I got my value from being responsible and getting things done, even though it was often from a place of duty. But in 2015, my husband and I moved to Georgia for his work, and I found myself without all the “doer hats” that I had been wearing.

I struggled to find what I was supposed to “do.” I read many books including Who Moved My Cheese? and What Color is Your Parachute? I did a lot of crying, praying, and meditating. Finding a nearby yoga studio gave me the opportunity to become more self-aware and taught me incredible lessons about learning to be more flexible and to let things flow. Joining a community band allowed me to reconnect with the love and joy of creating music with others while playing my flute.

​Having some close friends and finding a coach with whom I could share honestly and feel supported and accepted helped tremendously. Reading the Real Love books by Dr. Greg Baer allowed me to understand that in order to be heard, seen, and loved for who I am, I need to recognize that the masks that I have worn to hide the pain no longer are serving me, and find ways to uncover the real me—warts and all. I discovered qigong, tapping, inner child work, the power of small groups (both in-person and over the internet), and so much more.

A musician was approached by a fifty-year old man, asking him if he could teach him to play the trombone. The musician replied, "Sure." Then the man asked, "How long will it take?" and the musician replied that he could teach almost anyone to play in five years’ time. Startled, the man replied that he would be fifty-five years old by then. The musician replied, “Yes, you will. And how old will you be in five years if you don’t learn how to play the trombone?"

If we apply this to our role as parents, it can seem like a long journey to become the kind of parent that we want to be and that our children deserve. The reality is we cannot change what we haven't done or what we regret about our parenting choices from yesterday or last year. We cannot change the past but we can take all that we have discovered and impact the future with our children and grandchildren.

During Covid, when I was writing my book, a friend sent me a link to a 21-day meditation with Oprah and Deepak Chopra entitled Hope in Uncertain Times. During one of the sessions, Deepak spoke of the secret of finding hope—it happens when we shift our focus from the problem to the solution. In parenting and in life, most of us focus our attention on the challenge that lies in front of us.

Deepak shared an analogy:
Imagine your problem is to find a book in a dark, cluttered basement. You cannot see clearly, and you keep banging your head. If you focus on the problem, you may try to protect your head and squint harder as you keep searching through every box. If you focus on the solution, you pause, find the light switch and turn on the light so that you can see everything clearly. And then you find the book.

As a parent, we need to begin by shining the light for ourselves. We often disengage from our story to protect ourselves from the many conflicts, disappointments, and failures we have experienced. But becoming a parent is an opportunity to be awakened to the areas that need our attention. We work on growth and healing so that we can learn to fully enjoy life and be present to our child.

I like the definition of parenthood that I read recently: A sacred relationship that can preserve the wholeness of the child and heal the childhood wounds of the parents. If we look at the emotions that children evoke in us as awakenings or uncovering things that I need to pay attention to, this gives me an opportunity to recognize and begin to address things that I probably already had a hint about. This allows me to see what is lurking in the shadow part of me.

I have a choice. I can choose to let it overtake me and ruin my next patch of life, or I can choose to look at it straight on and see it with all its fear, untruths, and destabilizing qualities. I can let it remind me that I have work to do, we can reframe, rename, and redefine how we experience our own healing as we love and attend to our children.

Over the next weeks. I will be discussing the various stages of development that children grow through and what they need from us as their parents:

• Stage of Attachment--birth to 18 months
• Stage of Exploration--18 months to 3 years
• Stage of Identity--3-4 years
• Stage of Competence--4-7 years
• Stage of Concern--7-12 years
• Stage of Intimacy--12-18 years
• Stage of Independence--18 + years

Regardless of their age, the most important thing that our children and grandchildren need is a connection of heart and relationship with us as well as seeing that we are continuing to learn and grow in our relationship with them. I believe that the parent-child connection is the core relationship that rules the world. If it is strong and solid, we have healthy men and women. If it is broken and fragmented, we have a wounded world. No matter what mistakes we made in the past, begin anew today.

If you would like some support in your parenting, checking out my 7 week series based on my book to find out when the next one will begin.  7 Gifts Webinar Or learn more about my book 7 Gifts to Give Your Child

Albert Einstein said, "He who can no longer pauses to wonder and stand wrapt in awe is as good as dead; his eyes are closed." We live in trying times and it takes intention and presence to notice all that is amazing and wonderful in the people and nature surrounding us.

Almost every day, it seems that we can find evidence of how annoying, inconvenient, and inconsiderate people and situations can be. Travel gets interrupted because of weather. Your commute to work is stressful because of people driving recklessly, the person ahead of you in line at the checkout counter is exchanging items and asking too many questions, your spouse forgets to pick up something at the store, there is that person in the grocery store talking on their phone on speaker, your child tells you the night before that they need to bring something for a school project or a bake sale—the list can go on and on.

​It is easy to take the nature that surrounds for granted--the colors of the leaves in the fall, the beautiful flowers blooming in our neighbors yard or the incredible colors painted across the sky at sunset. We also forget that people are impressive, amazing individuals created in the image of God. Pearl Bailey, actress, singer and author said that people see God every day, they just don’t recognize him. If you haven't seen the  entertaining short video, "Eating Twinkies With God," watch and share it with your family. www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9N8OXkN0Rk&t=5s

Recently, I watched the movie, "My Octopus Teacher" about Craig Foster, a nature documentary filmmaker, naturalist and founder of Sea Change Project. This project is a community of scientists, storytellers, journalists and filmmakers who are dedicated to the ocean. Their work is motivating scientists, policymakers, and individuals to engage meaningfully with nature and protect our oceans.

For Craig Foster, the ocean and one particular octopus changed his life. He went to the ocean originally because he was overwhelmed and stressed out. He went every day, swimming without a wetsuit or oxygen tank because he felt it would be a barrier to interacting with the ocean life and he discovered an amazing world underwater with a unique and curious octopus that befriended him. The movie is both a gorgeous wildlife documentary and a moving tale of how a man in crisis found joy, wonder and purpose through immersion in nature and a remarkable relationship with an octopus. I highly recommend this movie as a great family watch.

Awe is the feeling we get when something moves us, maybe it stops us in our tracks and enables us to feel truly alive. Research shows that awe and wonder can decrease stress and anxiety and increase positive emotions and overall satisfaction in our life. The practice of wonder can engender greater compassion for others, build brain health, a sense of more expansive time, and the recognition that there are greater forces at work within the universe. It also helps us to feel greater support and increases the likelihood that we will help others.

When was the last time that you said to yourself, “Why is this happening to ME?” It could have been when your spouse forgot to pick-up the items need for dinner. Maybe it was when your young child spilt their drink for the third time that day or drew on the wall with a permanent marker AGAIN. Or you got into the car to go to an important meeting or appointment, and you realized your teenager or young adult had returned the family car on empty once again.

Some months ago, I had such a moment at the gym. After swimming and sitting in the hot tub, I took off my swimsuit before taking a shower and hung it on a hook so that it wouldn’t drip everywhere. Coming out of the shower, I found my swimsuit sitting on top of the trash can! Someone had decided that they needed all four of the hooks in the shower area and had moved my swimsuit out of their way. I have to say that I overreacted, saw myself as a victim of this “horrible” injustice and said some less than kind words to the woman who had done this.

Fortunately for me, I had just finished participating in a program, Radical Wholeness, which helped me reflect on and get some perspective on my response. I gained many things from this ten-week online course. But one of the presentations that struck me the most was “The Four Levels of Stages of Consciousness.”

Based on concepts by Michael Beckwith, Spiritual Director of Agape International Spiritual Center, the founders of WholeHearted—Heather Thalheimer, David Young and Sarah Oben—incorporated “Levels of Consciousness” into their program Radical Wholeness. I have summarized my understanding of these four stages below. The key is to begin with awareness of where I am in a particular area of my life, to accept and love myself at the place I am at, and to allow acceptance, love, and patience to guide me in making progress. (See a diagram of the four stages below.)

To Me:  At this stage, we experience life as happening to us. We may feel like a victim, things are other people's fault. We blame others or ourselves but feel that we are powerless to change what is happening. To shift to the next stage--By Me--we must let go of blaming others and seek to take ownership of the situation.

By Me: This is a building stage. We can learn new skills and see results from our efforts. We look at a situation and ask ourselves, “How can I change this?” We begin to realize that I have something to do with the problem, so I have the power to solve it. Problems can now be seen as opportunities. It can be challenging work, but we can be successful. We may not experience great happiness or peacefulness at this stage. To move to the Through Me stage, we must let go of control and surrender and recognize that we need others as well as God/Higher Power.

Through Me: This stage is one of recognizing that there is something greater than myself that wants to flow through me. Surrendering to needing others, needing God helps us to relax and open to possibilities and our own creativity. We can become co-creators in our life. A sense of trust and connectedness occurs. To move to the next level, we need humility to experience being connected to all of life.

As Me: This level is experiencing that we are at once a unique individual and at the same time, part of a greater whole. Through this awareness, we experience fusion between the individual and the whole--we cannot ignore the wellbeing of another because we are one.

It is important to understand that growth through these stages is not linear, moving from one to the next sequentially. Instead, we move in and out of the various levels. In different areas of our lives, we could experience two or more of these stages in the same day. If this article piques your interest, I invite you to check out Radical Wholeness, a ten-week online Journey. I have included some information below about the course.

Check here for the next Radical Wholeness series:
www.beingwholehearted.com/radical-wholeness-course 

​Through Radical Wholeness You Will:
• Discover a new way to love yourself.
• Experience wholeness through becoming aware of the ways you have separated from yourself, others, and your environment.
• Gain learnable, usable, and sustainable practices to experience a new and more satisfying way of living. 
• Meet other people who want to be part of a heart-centered community.

More than half of the 40,000 people who participated in the BBC’s Touch Test in January 2020, a survey conducted in 112 countries, said that they did not receive enough physical interaction—an arm around the shoulder, a sympathetic touch, or a long hug. And this was before COVID-related lockdowns had taken effect. This condition now has an official name: touch starvation.

It has been said that the sense of touch can be up to ten times stronger than our other senses. Some may think that touch starvation sounds too “touchy-feely.” But there is strong science that backs the biological need in all of us. Dr. Lina Velikova, a researcher in Bulgaria says that touch and cuddling increases our levels of oxytocin, the bonding hormone, and decreases levels of cortisol, the stress hormone. These very hormones effect our sleep, cardiovascular system and even our mental state. 

Dr. Velikova says, “Cuddling activates our parasympathetic nervous system, bringing feelings of calm and ease while settling feelings of anxiety and sadness.” Since blood pressure is often linked to stress, reducing stress is helpful to lower blood pressure. In addition, oxytocin has a protective effect on the heart.

Most of us do not realize how essential physical touch is in communicating our care and love to our family members. Part of the power of touch is that it does not involve any words. Body language is more genuine and harder to fake. Giving a hug implicitly communicates trust and safety in ways that we cannot speak.

The science also tells us that there is actual power connected to touch. People who get regular hugs are less likely to get colds. Reaching for someone’s hand or holding them close can reduce physical pain. It also supports better sleep and digestion.

Think for a moment how often you touched or hugged your family members in the past week. Of course, not everyone appreciates a bear hug, so we need to be sensitive to the needs of others. Perhaps a gentle pat on the hand or arm accompanied by some loving words are what will be appreciated. Or maybe it is a back, head or even a foot rub. Offer to help apply lotion on someone’s overworked hands.

There is even a National Hugging Day created in 1986 by Kevin Zaborney. The next one will be on January 21, 2023. You can find out more about it here: nationaltoday.com/national-hugging-day/ But don't wait until then. I challenge you to get practicing with your own family members and friends now. Think of all the benefits and be creative.