​I work with a group of coaches who host a monthly "Self-Care Isn't Selfish" webinar series. (See more info at the end of this blog about this series.) You would think that I would be better at taking care of my own needs--physical, emotional, spiritual, relational. And yet, I find that I still need to remind myself to make time each day for meditation, prayer, reflection, conversation and connection. It has been a life-long journey to learn that my own needs matter; when I don't pay attention to this, I get irritated, grumpy, resentful, argumentative and even angry. And the thing that is difficult to admit is that I take it out on those that I care about the most. But it is never too late to make changes in how we live life. Through understanding and taking care of our own needs, we can be better parents, spouses, siblings, children and friends. 

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Below is an excerpt from the chapter in my book entitled, "The Gift of Being the Best Parent You Can Be.
I want to convey that it is never too late to heal the past! No matter where you are on this life journey, just find the next step. In this chapter, I will share resources that can support you as you navigate this process. And I want to commend you for your courage of being willing to face that which blocks you from being your best self and parent. For me, I will always be a wounded healer, but I can reach back to help others as I step forward.

Through this process of healing myself, I discovered my passion for working with others as they focus on healing their relationships and their families. Over and over, I am reminded that healing is a process of being intentional; it begins with becoming more present to ourselves, and involves peeling back layer after layer to discover our true self. Being willing to do this rewarding but often challenging work is an essential starting point. This journey may last the rest of your life as you discover the wounds that need healing, learn to use tools that uncover both the pain and the possibilities, find better ways of connecting with family and friends, and enjoy greater happiness and satisfaction. 

It is important to find support as you navigate this process. This support may come in a parents’ group, individual or group therapy, or studying one of the books that I recommend here and at the end of this chapter. There are many resources available online or in your local community. Learning meditation, Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping), yoga, qigong or other mindful practices can help you become more self-aware.

I recommend Recovery of Your Inner Child, by Dr. Lucia Capaccione, as a resource to guide you through the steps to become aware of who your inner child is. It provides safe, firsthand experiences through a variety of creative art activities that can be done individually or in a group. Dr. Capacchione says, “For us to be fully human, the Child Within must be embraced and expressed. . . . Inside every adult, there is a child crying, ‘Let me out.’” 

The concept of the Inner Child may be new to you. When asked how we know that our Inner Child is present, Dr. Capacchione answered, “When we have feelings. The Inner Child is the emotional self. It is where our feelings live. When you experience joy, sadness, anger, fear or affection, your Child Within is coming out.”  

Limiting beliefs live in our emotions, and they are our mind’s way of saving us in dangerous or difficult situations when we were little. When we experienced an emotionally challenging situation as a young child, our mind looked for a way to help and save us. Children can absorb overwhelming emotions without logically understanding them; the limiting belief becomes the interpretation to make sense of it. When we are not aware of the limiting beliefs and painful memories that we hold onto, our ability to nurture and love can be inhibited. The emotions are still there, trying to get our attention when we feel anxious, stressed, and feeling overwhelmed at work or with our children.

Healing of the Inner Child begins by recognizing and experiencing our own child. Often, recurring emotional and physical issues in adulthood are signs that our Inner Child is trying to be heard. Since the 1980s, the need for this kind of healing has been recognized by psychologists who used Voice Dialogue and recovery groups as they worked toward the roots of addictions and mental health challenges. 

“Experts have estimated that ninety-five percent of the population received inadequate parenting. . . . Almost all of us have some Inner Child healing to do, says Dr. Capacchione.  The good news is that there are many tools available to support us in reparenting ourselves. Through our relationship with our child, we can become aware of triggers or issues that are unresolved, but it is important to understand that we are the only ones who can do our own work.

Stefanie Stahl, German psychologist, author, and presenter, has another great resource on the inner child. Her book, The Child in You: The Breakthrough Method for Bringing Out Your Authentic Self is now available in English—originally written in German in 2015. Her approach focuses on making friends with our inner child. By doing this, we can discover amazing ways to resolve conflicts, make our relationships happier, and find answers to almost any problem. Dr. Stahl states that only when we befriend our inner child can we recognize the unmet childhood needs and scars that we carry inside us. Her book offers many insights and methods of recognizing old patterns and developing new attitudes and behaviors to support healthier relationships.

Self-Care Isn't Selfish/past webinars: www.youtube.com/channel/UCjNse0OLKMACp0LknHIbdFA
​Register for Saturday, May 13 at 10 am PT:  tinyurl.com/Self-Care-May-2023

​Recently, I attended a retreat focused on the inner work needed to become unconditionally loving. It gave me the opportunity to reflect on my journey over the past seven years of moving from surviving to thriving. I will be sharing some of that journey here and in upcoming blogs. If you would like support on your own path, I invite you to visit my coaching page: Coaching With Myrna                                 
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Most days find us juggling too much, and just trying to get through the day becomes our goal. So, how do we become more present to those we care about the most? It starts with being more connected to ourselves and shining the light on the path in front of us. Recognizing that we cannot change the past but that we can impact our future, we need to acknowledge those moments when we need support. Asking for help, learning to forgive ourselves for our shortcomings, and making time for reflection will serve us best as we move bravely forward into unexplored regions.

Becoming aware of what is blocking or hindering us is a key place to start—whether it is limiting beliefs, a difficult childhood, a traumatic event, or habits cultivated over many years. Realizing that our parents did the best they could, we can begin to look at what is helpful from our past, and what we need to release because it is not serving our best interests. With patience and understanding when looking in the mirror of self-awareness, we can fold back the layers of who we have become to discover who we really want to be.

For me, the awareness that I am holding on to unnecessary baggage began a long time ago, but I fought it tooth and nail, always falling back into what I knew—the familiarity of “doing.” I got my value from being responsible and getting things done, even though it was often from a place of duty. But in 2015, my husband and I moved to Georgia for his work, and I found myself without all the “doer hats” that I had been wearing.

I struggled to find what I was supposed to “do.” I read many books including Who Moved My Cheese? and What Color is Your Parachute? I did a lot of crying, praying, and meditating. Finding a nearby yoga studio gave me the opportunity to become more self-aware and taught me incredible lessons about learning to be more flexible and to let things flow. Joining a community band allowed me to reconnect with the love and joy of creating music with others while playing my flute.

​Having some close friends and finding a coach with whom I could share honestly and feel supported and accepted helped tremendously. Reading the Real Love books by Dr. Greg Baer allowed me to understand that in order to be heard, seen, and loved for who I am, I need to recognize that the masks that I have worn to hide the pain no longer are serving me, and find ways to uncover the real me—warts and all. I discovered qigong, tapping, inner child work, the power of small groups (both in-person and over the internet), and so much more.

 All of us have people in our lives that we do our best to care for. Many of us are in the habit of putting ourselves last in terms of caring for our own needs. I work with a group of coaches who host a monthly webinar entitled, "Self-Care Isn't Selfish." Most of us are also members of Women's Federation for World Peace and feel inspired to combine our healing work with the vision of WFWP:  Women working together to establish a culture of heart in the family, community, nation, and world in order to achieve genuine and sustainable peace under God. If you would like to know more about WFWP, visit their website here: https://www.wfwp.us/

The reality is that all of us, especially women, mothers, and grandmothers, find it hard to give themselves permission to take time for relaxation, meditation, visiting with friends, exercise and more.  These webinars give education, tools, and skills to support everyone to take better care of themselves and those they love. 

The guest speaker for September, family coach Kendra Stein, said that we need to understand the difference between Self-Care and Self-Love. She said that no matter how much time we spend on pedicures, vacations, and lunch with friends, we need to understand how to connect with God/a higher power to Find the God Within. Sharing her own personal journey of discovering self-love, Kendra guided participants to look under the masks that we wear to hide our pain and wounding and begin to heal and re-parent ourselves by gaining awareness, seeking help, and getting curious instead of angry. You can watch the presentation here:  https://youtu.be/851HrswCQGg

To view others recordings of the monthly webinars, visit:   www.youtube.com/channel/UCjNse0OLKMACp0LknHIbdFA