 I work with a group of coaches who host a monthly "Self-Care Isn't Selfish" webinar series. (See more info at the end of this blog about this series.) You would think that I would be better at taking care of my own needs--physical, emotional, spiritual, relational. And yet, I find that I still need to remind myself to make time each day for meditation, prayer, reflection, conversation and connection. It has been a life-long journey to learn that my own needs matter; when I don't pay attention to this, I get irritated, grumpy, resentful, argumentative and even angry. And the thing that is difficult to admit is that I take it out on those that I care about the most. But it is never too late to make changes in how we live life. Through understanding and taking care of our own needs, we can be better parents, spouses, siblings, children and friends. Below is an excerpt from the chapter in my book entitled, "The Gift of Being the Best Parent You Can Be. I want to convey that it is never too late to heal the past! No matter where you are on this life journey, just find the next step. In this chapter, I will share resources that can support you as you navigate this process. And I want to commend you for your courage of being willing to face that which blocks you from being your best self and parent. For me, I will always be a wounded healer, but I can reach back to help others as I step forward. Through this process of healing myself, I discovered my passion for working with others as they focus on healing their relationships and their families. Over and over, I am reminded that healing is a process of being intentional; it begins with becoming more present to ourselves, and involves peeling back layer after layer to discover our true self. Being willing to do this rewarding but often challenging work is an essential starting point. This journey may last the rest of your life as you discover the wounds that need healing, learn to use tools that uncover both the pain and the possibilities, find better ways of connecting with family and friends, and enjoy greater happiness and satisfaction. It is important to find support as you navigate this process. This support may come in a parents’ group, individual or group therapy, or studying one of the books that I recommend here and at the end of this chapter. There are many resources available online or in your local community. Learning meditation, Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping), yoga, qigong or other mindful practices can help you become more self-aware. I recommend Recovery of Your Inner Child, by Dr. Lucia Capaccione, as a resource to guide you through the steps to become aware of who your inner child is. It provides safe, firsthand experiences through a variety of creative art activities that can be done individually or in a group. Dr. Capacchione says, “For us to be fully human, the Child Within must be embraced and expressed. . . . Inside every adult, there is a child crying, ‘Let me out.’” The concept of the Inner Child may be new to you. When asked how we know that our Inner Child is present, Dr. Capacchione answered, “When we have feelings. The Inner Child is the emotional self. It is where our feelings live. When you experience joy, sadness, anger, fear or affection, your Child Within is coming out.” Limiting beliefs live in our emotions, and they are our mind’s way of saving us in dangerous or difficult situations when we were little. When we experienced an emotionally challenging situation as a young child, our mind looked for a way to help and save us. Children can absorb overwhelming emotions without logically understanding them; the limiting belief becomes the interpretation to make sense of it. When we are not aware of the limiting beliefs and painful memories that we hold onto, our ability to nurture and love can be inhibited. The emotions are still there, trying to get our attention when we feel anxious, stressed, and feeling overwhelmed at work or with our children. Healing of the Inner Child begins by recognizing and experiencing our own child. Often, recurring emotional and physical issues in adulthood are signs that our Inner Child is trying to be heard. Since the 1980s, the need for this kind of healing has been recognized by psychologists who used Voice Dialogue and recovery groups as they worked toward the roots of addictions and mental health challenges. “Experts have estimated that ninety-five percent of the population received inadequate parenting. . . . Almost all of us have some Inner Child healing to do, says Dr. Capacchione. The good news is that there are many tools available to support us in reparenting ourselves. Through our relationship with our child, we can become aware of triggers or issues that are unresolved, but it is important to understand that we are the only ones who can do our own work. Stefanie Stahl, German psychologist, author, and presenter, has another great resource on the inner child. Her book, The Child in You: The Breakthrough Method for Bringing Out Your Authentic Self is now available in English—originally written in German in 2015. Her approach focuses on making friends with our inner child. By doing this, we can discover amazing ways to resolve conflicts, make our relationships happier, and find answers to almost any problem. Dr. Stahl states that only when we befriend our inner child can we recognize the unmet childhood needs and scars that we carry inside us. Her book offers many insights and methods of recognizing old patterns and developing new attitudes and behaviors to support healthier relationships. Self-Care Isn't Selfish/past webinars: www.youtube.com/channel/UCjNse0OLKMACp0LknHIbdFA Register for Saturday, May 13 at 10 am PT: tinyurl.com/Self-Care-May-2023  Comments are closed.
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