Practice Radical Responsibility

​Recently, I attended an "Unconditionally Loving" retreat where we were guided towards living a life of loving without conditions and what we needed to do that. The definition of loving without conditions is caring about the other person's happiness without wanting anything in return. It also includes accepting others for who they are, not wanting the other person to change. Finally, loving starts with caring about ourselves because we cannot give what we don't have.
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To live this way requires us to begin to practice radical responsibility. 
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• Become aware of my own behaviors. Change starts with awareness--I cannot change that of which I am unaware. Pay attention to interactions and relationships where I am not being authentic. This may show up as making excuses about being late for a family event or not having completed a project at work. We may get defensive, frustrated, or angry when our child or partner challenges us about something. If we check-in with our physical body, we may feel tension in our neck, shoulders, back or jaw.
• Learn about my motivations. What lies behind those behaviors? Am I afraid that others won't like me or will think less of me? Do memories come to mind of when we were blamed or shamed about something in the past? Do we have the tendency to insist on being right and have difficulty admitting that we are wrong or made a mistake?
• Create intentions to change unloving and irresponsible behaviors. As we become aware of behaviors that we would like to change, consider ways to move towards more loving, honest, and more responsible actions and attitudes. Because we have developed these patterns over a lifetime, this is not simple work and often takes support of a loving partner, a small intentional group, or a coach.
• Tell the truth about my own actions. Learning to admit when we are wrong without making excuses is a game-changer. 
• Keep my word--do our best to live a life of integrity and follow through with commitments and promises that we make.
• Be open to feedback. Feedback is a gift if we can hear what another is telling us about how our behavior impacts them. 

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Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worthwhile living…let no day pass without examining yourself." If you find yourself wanting to change unhealthy patterns of relating and to move towards living with greater radical responsibility, check out the tools and resources that I use in supporting growth and healing in relationships on my website: Coaching With Myrna

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