This is Water!

In 2005, David Foster Wallace addressed the graduating class at Kenyon College with a speech that is now one of his most read pieces. ​He began with a parable: There are these two young fish swimming along, and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says, “Morning, boys. How’s the water?” And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes, “What the heck is water?”

At Kenyon, Wallace elaborated on his water parable saying that the point of the fish story is merely that the most obvious, important realities are often the ones that are hardest to see and talk about. The fact is that in the day-to-day trenches of our existence, commonplace platitudes can have a life-or-death importance.

Nearing the end of his speech, he said that the capital-T Truth is about life BEFORE death. It is about the real value of learning, which has almost nothing to do with knowledge, and everything to do with simple awareness; awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, all the time, that we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over: This is water. This is water.

Applying this to our family relationships, we need to ask ourselves some extremely important questions:

• What do I need to be more aware of in my relationships with my spouse, my children, grandchildren, parents, and siblings?
• How much of every day do I spend doing things out of habit, unconsciously unaware of the feelings and desires within myself and those I care about?
• What is one thing that I can do to make a change to be more aware, more present today?
• Who do I want to talk to about supporting this change in our family culture?

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