Watering Each Others' Flowers

Everyone wants to experience happiness and harmony in their relationships with family and friends. Since all relationships are made up of imperfect human beings, we know that misunderstandings and arguments will occur. If we try to ignore or suppress our hurt feelings, eventually, they will burst out and possibly damage or destroy the connection we have with someone we really care about. On the other hand, going directly to the person to convey how you are upset by what they said or did usually doesn't go well, especially if we are still feeling wounded or angry about the incident. As I mentioned in last week's blog creating-happiness-is-an-art.html, I will be sharing a four-step practice Beginning Anew** which gives us a way to clear up misunderstandings, heal our relationships, and reconcile with each other.

This week, we begin with Step One: Watering Each Other's Flowers. If we have a garden that we regularly water and pay attention to, we will have lovely flowers and other plants to enjoy. In the same way, we can refresh and nurture our relationships by expressing our appreciations and gratitude to them. It is by acknowledging something--big or small--that the other person has said or done that we "water the flower" in the person. The amazing added benefit is that it trains us to be more attentive in daily life to the many small kindnesses and beauties of others around us, thus increasing our own happiness as well.

It is important to find a way to incorporate into our lives the practice of appreciating others. Below are some suggestions to get you started.
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• Create a space to write down appreciations--in a journal or small notepad that you carry with you or in a file on your phone or computer. This can help you build the practice noticing moments of gratitude throughout your day. You might designate a time of day to do this--first thing in the morning or as part of your evening routine. If you are looking for a way to be intentional about this practice, you might consider this gratitude journal created by my friend Bento Leal. www.amazon.com/90-Day-Gratitude-Journal-Thankfulness-Transform/dp/0578860635
• Don't keep your appreciations and gratitude to yourself. Express them with family and friends. This can be done face-to-face, make a phone call, send a text, or even write your appreciation in a card that you leave for the person to find or mail it.
• Engage your family in the process. Find a day and time to gather and share appreciations with each other. It doesn't have to be too formal--it could be over a family dinner or even a family zoom call. You could say something like, "I read a blog about the practice of Beginning Anew and would like us to try sharing our appreciations for each other for the next month." Doing this practice every week refreshes the love and trust among the members of the family. 
• Try this at work or in other areas of your daily life. Expressing something that we appreciate about their insight with a co-worker or boss goes a long way towards creating a better relationship. Recently, I was in the checkout line at a grocery store, and I observed the customer in front of me giving the checker a hard time. When it was my turn, I simply said to her, "I really admire how well you managed that challenging situation. It must take a lot of patience."
• As Safe Conversations® facilitator, I introduce participants to a new definition of relationship which is two people and the Space Between. Basically, the space between is the relationship and the point of connection. The quality of our relationships depends on what we put into the space between. Appreciation, gratitude, understanding, and empathy enhance our connection and attunement to each other. Criticism, arguments, and putdowns greatly decrease it. You can hear the founders of Safe Conversations® share about it in this short video: www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7pq1KI2KTw

The art of happiness is the capacity to create an environment where everyone is seen, valued, and appreciated on a regular basis.

**The content for this series is inspired by the book "Beginning Anew: Four Steps to Restoring Communication" by Sister Chan Khong.
www.amazon.com/Beginning-Anew-Steps-Restoring-Communication/dp/1937006816

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