 Tired of discussions about weather? Tom Pattinson, Positive.News, offers five insightful ways to spark more meaningful exchanges: pick the place, ask 'why' then wait, be more vulnerable yourself, explore values, and stay present. By fostering authenticity, compassionately listening, and truly engaging, these strategies can help us move from surface to substance and make every conversation count. After all, "the most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention," shares Thích Nhat Hanh, author of "The Art of Communicating."
For more information about the 4 week series using the book,"The Fourth Quarter of Your Life," and to sign up: 4th Quarter   Have you heard about the legend of Secret Santa? It can actually be traced back to a single act of kindness in Houston, Mississippi. It was 1971 and a homeless man had wandered into town, starving. The stranger stopped at the Dixie Diner and ordered the biggest breakfast on the menu. Not having any money, his plan was to sneak out before the bill came. But the owner, a guy named Ted Horn, sensed what was about to happen. So he snuck up behind the guy with a $20 bill in his hand and said, "I think you may have dropped this." The homeless stranger was a man named Larry Stewart, who vowed that if he ever got rich, he would return the favor in spades. Larry eventually made millions in cable and long distance and became the first Secret Santa, his identity revealed only after he was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2006. The current Secret Santa is Larry's good friend. Over the last decade, the new Secret Santa has run the total to more than $2 million. Behind the giving is the heart to spread joy at the Christmas season. Watch how this Secret Santa got started with "On the Road With Steve Hartman." www.youtube.com/watch?v=IL8gDOd6xCs If you need a reason to believe in the goodness of people, watch more of the episodes at the links below: www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLotzEBRQdc0eX6sErNJED9JuHzJ1vcIu_ www.facebook.com/OnTheRoadCBS/  For more information and to sign-up, 4th Quarter
 A few months ago, someone who reads my blog reached out to me to ask, "Have you heard of the book 'The Fourth Quarter of Your Life?' I think you should offer a webinar series based on the book." So of course, I had to find the book and check it out for myself. The premise of the book is that life consists of four quarters:
The authors state in the introduction that what makes aging unbearable is the mistaken belief that it can be avoided. Everyone knows this isn't possible and yet, we often persist in our avoidance and denial which makes us miserable. As I am reading this practical workbook style book, I feel encouraged and empowered to look at my fourth quarter in a new light. If you are 61+ or approaching the fourth quarter, I invite you to explore your thoughts and feelings on aging by using this book as a guide. The purpose of the book states that this is a practical guide to help you:
I will be offering a four-week series to support you in this endeavor. The series will provide a supportive environment to grapple with, share, and learn together with others on this journey. Meeting on four Fridays, beginning on January 16, 2026, will be the opportunity to hear from and share with others. How you decide to progress through the content of the book will be up to you and your schedule. For more information: 4th Quarter  Giving the gift of experiences is really about giving the gift of moments—those irreplaceable slices of time that stay with us long after the day has passed. It might look like sharing the excitement of a local sporting event, the magic of a concert, or the wonder of a live theater performance. It could be laughing together at the movies, wandering through an arcade, or feeling like kids again at an amusement park. Even simple outings—a splash-filled afternoon at a water park, a trampoline session full of giggles, or a friendly round of mini-golf—can become treasured memories. And sometimes the most unforgettable gifts are the extraordinary ones: the quiet awe of a hot air balloon ride, the peaceful rhythm of a train journey, or the delight of watching a magic show up close. Memberships and passes are another way to give joy that lasts all year. They turn ordinary weekends into adventures—whether it’s visiting the zoo, exploring an aquarium, or returning again and again to a children’s museum. Passes to a botanical garden or indoor play arena invite curiosity and connection, while ski passes or a season ticket to a favorite amusement park create traditions that grow with time. Experiences can also be gifts of learning—moments that help someone discover who they are becoming. Cooking and baking lessons bring creativity to life in the kitchen. Music lessons, whether it’s piano, guitar, or voice, open doors to self-expression. Sports classes like karate or skateboarding build courage and confidence, while creative workshops—pottery, painting, even circus arts—invite a childlike sense of wonder. And then there are the adventures that bring families closer. A simple staycation at a nearby hotel gives everyone a chance to slow down and savor being together. A camping trip or fishing day invites quiet conversations and shared challenges. Time at the pool or beach becomes a celebration of sunshine and connection. And traveling to a national park or a beloved vacation spot often becomes the kind of memory people talk about for years. Some of the sweetest experiences happen right at home. A family game night with popcorn and laughter, a cozy movie night with a fun theme, a baking day using a new library cookbook—all of these become moments woven into the story of home. Building something together—a treehouse, a giant LEGO set, even a backyard obstacle course or a kite-flying afternoon—reminds us that the best gifts aren’t things at all, but the time we choose to spend with the people we love. Where you are thinking of gifts for children, grandchildren, parents, grandparents, siblings or friends, consider how you might give the gift of time and experiences.   On a recent flight from Rwanda back to San Francisco, I had a tight layover in Munich—just about an hour to get from one gate to the next. As I stepped off the plane and into the terminal, a woman in an airport golf cart appeared almost out of nowhere. She asked where I was headed, then immediately whisked me off through the crowded airport. She didn’t seem to have a horn, so she simply called out for people to move as she navigated at full speed. She zipped me through customs and got me as close to my new gate as possible. By the time I arrived, the plane was already boarding.
Looking back, I realized I had no idea where I was going or how long it would have taken me to get there on my own. Moments like these remind me that God—or perhaps a guardian angel—is watching over me. Sitting in that golf cart, carried along by this kind woman’s determination, felt almost surreal. It caused me to reflect on how often I go through life unaware of the support the universe sends my way—sometimes through people who anticipate my needs before I even recognize them myself. Recognizing the ways that God or goodness is present in my life begins with paying attention and cultivating awareness. Noticing and acknowledging those people or experiences creates connection and gratitude. Seeing God in others involves cultivating inner qualities like empathy and humility, and practicing outward actions like offering kindness, support, and encouragement. Pay attention and notice this week who is offering you kindness or support, even when you didn't ask for them to do so. And make a point to acknowledge it. As William Arthur Ward, a prolific writer and author of inspirational quotes, has said, "Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it."  Do you know what you were doing on April 7, 1994? Most of us probably have no idea. Since it is the date of my youngest son’s birth, I was probably making preparations for a party to celebrate his second birthday. I am sure that I had little awareness of the downing of the plane that carried Rwandan President Juvénal Habyarimana that triggered one of the most tragic events in human history—the Rwandan Genocide. It was a systematic massacre conducted for the purpose of ethnic cleansing—neighbors killing neighbors, even their own family members simply because they belonged to a different ethnic group. In just one hundred days, around one million people lost their lives. I recently had the privilege of visiting the country to see the work that Women’s Federation for World Peace has been doing there for the past 30 years. What I found is a quiet revolution taking place that is bringing healing and hope to Rwanda. Women's Federation for World Peace or WFWP is an international organization that has as its vision: Women working together to realize one global family rooted in a culture of sustainable peace. As a member since it was founded in 1992, one of the projects that the North America branch supports financially is the Schools of Africa Project. In the early 1990s, WFWP Japan launched international cooperation activities by Japanese overseas volunteers to serve all over the world. They started schools, supported opportunities of education for those in need, and created opportunities for women and girls to build a promising future. I had the honor of being part of a small group of WFWP members to visit the New Hope Technical School and see what our donations are supporting. This was the first time that a group representing North America was able to visit the school. In Rwanda, I met one of these volunteers, Marie Nozaki who went there in January 1995 together with nine other Japanese volunteers. The country was beginning to recover under the de facto leadership of Paul Kagame, former commander of the Rwanda Patriotic Front which is credited with ending the genocide. He has been the president of Rwanda from 2000 until today. Marie told us that many men had been killed or fled the country, resulting a population of 70% women. They asked themselves, “How can these women — who had always lived under a male-dominated system — survive and rebuild their lives?” Believing that helping women gain practical skills would be the key to empowering them economically and beginning to restore their dignity. In 1996, they began a small sewing class with just a few students and two years later New Hope Technical Vocational School was established in 1998. During this time, Marie met Georgette Umubyeyi, a Rwandan genocide survivor who had lost twelve of her family members during the attacks. She and her brother are the only remaining family members. Georgette has been the WFWP President in Rwanda for the past 30 years. Together with many others, Marie and Georgette are growing the school to create support, hope, and stability in the lives of those who attend. After a visit to the home of one of the students who receives a scholarship to attend New Hope, I felt overwhelmed with the enormity of the challenges still facing many in Rwanda. We brought some gifts of food staples but it felt like a drop in the bucket in such a humble environment where 8-10 people lived in a small three room structures crowded together on a hillside, water is fetched at a communal pump, and students walk 30-60 minutes each way in order to get to school. I asked Moriko Hori, WFWP International President who was accompanying us during our stay how does she manage the feeling of not being able to do enough. Her answer was--be the voice to share this with others, share the hope and vision that is changing lives. I ask you to consider supporting the fundraiser that my WFWP N. California chapter is hosting this month. Our goal is $5000 and the funds we raise will support New Hope Technical Institute in offering an expanded lunch program to ensure they are well-fed, healthier, and more motivated to excel in their studies and for hiring instructors with advanced expertise and experience to support the students after graduation. I will be giving the sermon at my local church this Sunday, November 23, 10 am PT/1 pm ET. Please join to hear more: us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/NS23eAs8Sc2cxxsAgNI7lA#/registration To support the fundraiser (through December15): www.wfwp.us/norcal-soa See some clips from our visit to Rwanda: www.facebook.com/wfwpusa For more on the Schools of Africa project: www.wfwp.us/schools-of-africa To learn about the Kigali Genocide Memorial that became the birthplace of peace education in Rwanda, kgm.rw/ For many Rwandans, visiting this place is where they can feel close to their family members that were lost during the genocide.  We all long for love, peace, and abundance--so why aren’t we living it? Because buried feelings and thoughts shape our reality. Our lives reflect what we’ve believed and felt most deeply throughout the years. Ask yourself the following questions:
What if there were a simple tool to release old emotions, reprogram false beliefs, restore peace, joy, and love, and begin creating the life you truly want and deserve? Join the Self-Care Isn't Selfish monthly webinar on Saturday, November 15 from 10-11:30 pm PT where Liisa Freystaetter will be guiding us to understand this simple tool. Liisa Freystaetter is one of the founding members of "Self-Care Isn't Selfish" and a mom of five grown children and a grandmother of eight (with a ninth on the way!). As a life coach, she helps women, men, and young adults overcome self-doubt,build confidence, and strengthen relationships—guiding them to clarity, inner well-being,and more fulfilling connections. During this session, Liisa will lead us on a journey of self-discovery, exploring how our thoughts and feelings shape every result in our lives. Drawing on the book "Feelings Buried Alive Never Die" by Karol K Truman, she will explain how all our emotions and beliefs are stored in our cellular memory—and how they influence our relationships, health, finances, and overall happiness. You will be introduced to a simple, easy-to-use tool that helps release old emotions, reprogram limiting beliefs, and begin creating the life you truly want and deserve. To register for the zoom link: tinyurl.com/Self-Care-Nov-15 The overarching theme for our monthly webinars is "Heal Yourself, Heal Your Family, Heal the World." Making a change begins with me because that is the only person that I have control over. But the amazing truth is that as I make effort, I change my interactions with those I care about and often, that sparks change in others as well. Each month, we are creating a global community of connecting and support by showing up, sharing, and caring about each other. All past webinars are available on our YouTube Channel.We'd love to have you join us on November 15th. www.youtube.com/@Self-Care.Isnt.Selfish/videos  All experts recommend having goals in our lives to feel accomplished and live a fulfilling life. But what intentions will best serve us? In thinking about it, our deepest intention is to grow into people of depth, integrity, and compassion—continually maturing our character so that who we are reflects our highest values. Together, we seek to create relationships filled with love, trust, and understanding, where genuine connection and mutual growth can flourish. Through our lives and work, we aspire to contribute meaningfully to the world, using our unique gifts to inspire, uplift, and help create a more compassionate and harmonious future for all. I believe that we can simply this into three life goals: mature my character, create loving relationships, and make a contribution to the world.
1. Mature My Character: Learning to love and care about others is an essential part of life. A person’s character is like a work of art, and we are like a sculptor, shaping and polishing our stone to reveal its innate beauty, our God given qualities. In our families, communities, and churches, we are really about character education. By practicing good habits that deepen the mind and beautify the heart, we are cultivating our character until those acts of giving, helping, and loving become ingrained within us. Winnie the Pooh said it best, "Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart." 2. Create Loving Relationships: We really need other to truly polish our character. American author Robert Fulghum's book, "All I Really Need to Know, I learned in Kindergarten," shows the simplicity of how we are meant to relate to each other. He says what a better place our world can be if we live each day like this. To make loving relationships, we must achieve a certain level of maturity through working on the first goal. And the only thing that we can leave behind is our family and our community-those who we love and love us. For more on Robert Fulghum's book: life-skills-learned-in-kindergarten.html 3. Make a Contribution to the World: We all deserve to invest time and energy into finding out that thing that we were born to do. Become an expert in something or finding the thing(s) that inspires you and use it to help others. If you don’t know what that is yet, that is ok. Pray about it, try things out, put yourself in situations where you can try new experiences. Challenge yourself to grow, collaborate with others, share ideas, look for someone else who is doing something that sparks your interest and help them out. In the process, you will learn more about yourself. And it is essential to keep growing no matter our age. Two books that I recommend for support in this area are:
 Terry Real, internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and author has said, "Family dysfunction rolls down from generation to generation, like a fire in the woods, taking down everything in its path until one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames. That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares the children that follow." His powerful words beautifully capture what it means to break free from the grip of intergenerational trauma. The patterns we inherit from our families often shape the way we love, communicate, and connect. Yet within each of us lies the power to change that story—to become the generational hero who faces the fire, heals the past, and brings peace to both our ancestors and those yet to come.
Take a minute to reflect on the relationship patterns you grew up with—how people handled conflict, showed (or withheld) love, and dealt with emotions. These early experiences become wired into your nervous system, shaping how you react when tensions rise, especially in conflicts with your partner. In stressful moments, it’s natural to default to familiar habits—even when those habits don’t serve you well. Breaking free from old patterns is an act of bravery. It means pausing when everything inside you wants to react. When your partner or child triggers you, your instinct may be to argue, withdraw, or shut down. But growth happens when you resist those impulses and take a different path—the one that leads to understanding, peace, and healing. We didn't choose the inherited patterns but with courage, we can choose how to respond to them; we can rewrite the script. Changing your relationship dynamics isn't a one-time decision but a daily practice. Here are five steps to help you get started:
If you are looking for a coach for individual or group work, please check my website: www.coachmyrna.org/coaching.html  As you may know, I work together with a group of coaches who were trained by Hilde Wiemann, Generational Healing, as well as being members of Women's Federation for World Peace (wfwp.us). We feel inspired to combine our healing work with the vision of WFWP--Women working together to establish a culture of heart in the family, community, nation, and world in order to achieve genuine and sustainable peace under God. By hosting monthly webinars, we believe that we are putting these words into practice. Our next webinar features Kendra Stein presenting highlights from Terry Real's book Fierce Intimacy.
Having had the priviledge of training under Terry Real, Kendra will share with us his essential tools for connecting with true respect, uncompromising honesty, and ever-deepening love. Join us on Saturday, October 11, 10-11:30 am PT/1-2:30 pm ET. Register here to receive the zoom link: tinyurl.com/Self-Care-Oct-11 The overarching theme for our monthly webinars is "Heal Yourself, Heal Your Family, Heal the World." Making a change begins with me because that is the only person that I have control over. But the amazing truth is that as I make effort, I change my interactions with those I care about and often, that sparks change in others as well. Each month, we are creating a global community of connecting and support by showing up, sharing, and caring about each other. All past webinars are available on our YouTube Channel.We'd love to have you join us this Saturday. www.youtube.com/@Self-Care.Isnt.Selfish/videos For other blogs that I have written on healing: www.coachmyrna.org/blog/category/healing-ourselves |
