Do you have a child who has become truthfulness-challenged? If so, there is hope. As a conscientious parent, you can turn the tide on truth-bending behavior by applying the Three E's: Example, Experience, and Empathy. These three techniques can be applied to a variety of parenting experiences whether our child is two or twenty.

The First "E”: Example
Obviously, parents who act truthfully around their child are far more likely to have a truthful child. A not-so-obvious application of good modeling involves discussing our moral dilemmas with others when our child is within earshot. This can even be 
accomplished by having a “conversation” on the telephone recounting a recent situation. When our child overhears us talking about temptations, and how we've chosen truthfulness instead of deceit, powerful lessons get locked in.

The Second "E": Experience
When a child lies, they need to experience logical consequences. One of the most practical involves expecting them to replace any energy they've drained from us because of their fibbing. Does lying drain your parental energy? This is a wonderful time to introduce the Energy Drain. energy-drain.html

The Third "E": Empathy
Consequences preceded with empathy are far more effective than consequences delivered with anger, guilt, or sarcasm. An added benefit of responding to our child's mistakes with empathy is that they'll be far more likely to admit making them. Do we want our child to be afraid of us when they blunder? Do we want them to hide their mistakes rather than bringing them to our attention? Of course not. That's why it's so important to discipline with love rather than lectures. Approaching with empathy, curiosity, and the desire to understand will keep the connection between parent and child thriving. 

Using the Three E’s—example, experience, and empathy—we can guide our child to gain understanding and wisdom about the impact of their behavior and choices on the quality of their life and their relationships with others. Naturally, the Three E’s are adaptable to many other areas of parenting besides lying. Think about situations with your own children where you could apply the Three E's.

Understanding that we are most effective as parents when we teach by example, we can see how important it is that our daily life resembles being courteous, grateful, appreciative, and being responsible. Modeling is one of the most powerful ways that we can parent. Developing manners, respect, consideration, and appreciation towards ourselves and others are habits that need to be practiced and cultivated within our family. The things that we focus on the most are the things that we will do the best. Focusing on positive habits develops habits that contribute to present and future wisdom about healthy relationships. Doing all of this is also the best assurance that we are not raising entitled individuals.

Sometimes when your child misbehaves, it is difficult to find a natural consequence to apply. The Energy Drain approach is the perfect solution to give us a practical way of creating logical consequences that teach responsibility. Simply stated, the child or teen is required to replace energy “drained” from the adult by their misbehavior.

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The parent could say, “That is so sad. When you _______, it drains my energy.” Fill in the blank with the inappropriate action that the child did, i.e. arguing, fight with a sibling, lying, etc. The next step would be “How are you going to put my energy back in?” If the child says, “Don’t know,” you ask if they would like some ideas. When they agree, you might say, “Well, some kids decide to clean the bathroom or wash some dishes or clean up the backyard. Those are energy builders. How would one of those work for you?” Of course, the suggestions must be age appropriate. You can offer to show them how to do the task if needed.

If the child completes the chores, thank them and don’t lecture. If they refuse, don’t reprimand. Instead, you can remind them that before you can drive them to soccer practice or their friend’s house, or before using the computer or watch a favorite show, the energy needs to be replenished.

Recently, I was having a video call with my six-year-old granddaughter, and I learned how to add emojis to my image. With the help of my granddaughter and her mom, I became a giraffe, a tiger, or a princess. I sometimes feel intimidated about many tools available on my phone and computer. I realized that this is often because of my thinking--my mindset--about my inability to learn something new.

I remember a webinar I attended that introduced the difference between a fixed and a growth mindset. Below are a few of the highlights that I learned from this program:
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• Feedback: With a fixed mindset, we fear the suggestions of others--our spouse, manager, boss, or friend because we see them as challenges to be feared and indications of failure. Seeing feedback as a gift is part of a growth mindset. We can look at it as ways to grow and change. It can allow us to realize that the only real mistake is not learning from an experience or situation.
• Be a buffalo, not a cow: When a storm comes, the cow turns away from the storm and prolongs the suffering. But the buffalo turns into the storm and goes into the storm, reducing the amount of time they spend exposed to its harsh conditions. Like the buffalo, learn to lead yourself to face challenges and new experiences.
• Benefits of a Growth Mindset: Learning to have a growth mindset increases our optimism, enthusiasm, and hope for life. It improves our relationships with ourselves and others and enhances fulfillment. Learning to say AND instead of BUT stretches our comfort zone. Practicing a growth mindset is like water on a stone, gradually helping us to cultivate awareness and wisdom.

To watch the webinar that was part of the Self-Care Isn't Selfish series:
Growth Mindset With Rebecca Boswell: youtu.be/x6IlGj4svYo?si=1rhf_PLdkrzCM1jZ

When our child is having a hard time, how we respond will shape the way they see themselves. When we react with harsh words or criticism, they may start to believe they are the problem—that they’re too much to manage, that their feelings don’t matter. Over time, this becomes their inner voice. But here’s the good news: we can break that cycle.

By staying calm and showing compassion when your child is upset, you teach them they are never too much for you. You show them that mistakes don’t mean rejection and their big feelings won’t drive love away. 💛This creates a foundation for emotional resilience, helping them navigate their own feelings, set healthy boundaries, and show up for others with empathy and love. 

Understanding that we are most effective as parents and grandparents when we teach by example, we can see how important it is that our daily life resembles being courteous, grateful, appreciative, and self-responsible. Modeling is one of the most powerful ways that we can parent, including how we deal with challenges and our emotions.

Developing manners, respect, consideration, and appreciation towards ourselves and others are habits that need to be practiced and cultivated within our family. The things that we focus on the most are the things that we will do the best. Focusing on positive habits develops habits that contribute to present and future wisdom about healthy relationships. Doing all of this is also the best assurance that we are not raising entitled individuals.
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A few books that I have found helpful in dealing with emotions and feelings are:

• "In My Heart: A Book of Feelings" by Jo Witek (ages 2-6)
• www.amazon.com/My-Heart-Feelings-Growing-Hearts/dp/1419713108
• "Some Days I Flip My Lid: Learning to be a Calm, Cool Kid" by Kellie Doyle Bailey (ages 3-6)
• www.amazon.com/Some-Days-Flip-My-Lid/dp/1683732510 
• "Growing Feelings: A Kid's Guide To Dealing With Emotions About Friends and Other Kids" by Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore (ages 6-10)
• www.amazon.com/Growing-Feelings-Dealing-Emotions-Friends/dp/1582708789
• "Emotions for Tweens & Teens" by Ivi Green (ages 9-18)
• www.amazon.com/EMOTIONS-TEENS-TWEENS-infographics-relationships/dp/B0BSJ77C23

For blogs on what our children need from us at the different developmental stages and family tools to support these needs: 
www.coachmyrna.org/blog/category/child-development-stages

• The Stage of Attachment-birth to 18 months
• The Stage of Exploration-18 months to 3 years
• The Stage of Identity—3-4 years
• The Stage of Competence—4 to 7 years
• The Stage of Concern--7-12 years
• The Stage of Intimacy--12 to 18 years

Did you know that most of us significantly overestimate our listening abilities? Many of us think that we are good listeners but research indicates that the average person only retains around 50% or less of what they hear in a conversation or lecture. One of my favorite quotes is by Dr. David W. Augsburger, "Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable."

Being present to those we love takes effort, especially in the fast-paced world that we live in where:

• we are overcommitted 
• all of us plugged into multiple types of technology
• and family dinners are occurring less often

​However, learning to listen with intention is a skill that we can all get better at. Listening to respond is the standard way that most of us communicate. What that means is that instead of really paying attention to what the other person is saying with their words and body language, we are already thinking about how we want to reply or what our rebuttal will be. The good news is that relationships skills and better ways to communicate can be learned. More on this in a previous blog--link below.
learning-better-ways-to-communicate.html

I challenge you to pay attention this week to ways that you can love through listening. Need some more ideas how to get started? Here are some:
questions-to-ask-your-child-or-grandchild.html
rethinking-family-dinners.html

Dr. Bradley Nelson, founder of Discover Healing and author of "The Emotion Code" and "The Body Code" has said, "To tell the world that we have a divine Creator above us, who is real, who lives, who loves us, who wants us to be healed, who wants us to grow, to unlock our healing gifts, to ask for help, and to eventually return home, having learned to love unconditionally is our great blessing.” I recently completed my certification process and I am now an Emotion Code and Body Code practitioner. ​

As an energy practitioner, I support clients in identifying and releasing inherited and trapped emotions in order to facilitate physical and emotional balance and live a healthier, happier life! Energy healing is about understanding that we all have the ability to heal ourselves from the inside out. It's tapping into the universal life force that connects us all and harnessing that energy to promote healing, balance, and well-being. 

I also work with Original Energy Code (OEC), developed by Kurt Sattlberger from Austria,  which deals with spiritual inherited energy. He states that OEC enables us to dissolve imbalances from the individual to the cosmic level which are not in line with the original blueprint of God’s creation.

The key to access the imbalances and blockages that hold us back reside in our sub-conscious mind which stores all of our memories and experiences including those that were passed onto us from our ancestors. To learn more about this energy work, I invite you to attend a free webinar on Saturday, March 8, 2025 at 10 am PT/1 pm ET. 

Register here to receive the zoom link: tinyurl.com/Self-Care-March-8-25
Visit my website to learn more: Energy Work
Or check out Dr. Nelson's website: discoverhealing.com/

​​Almost forty years ago, American author and minister, Robert Fulghum wrote a collection of short essays about wisdom can be found in the little things, like sharing, playing fair, and putting things back where they belong in "All I Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten." 

​In the first essay, he shares, "Most of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand box at nursery school.

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These are the things I learned:

• Share everything. Play fair. Don't hit people.
• Put things back where you found them.
• Clean up your own mess.
• Don't take things that aren't yours.
• Say you are sorry when you hurt somebody.
• Wash your hands before you eat. Flush.
• Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
• Live a balanced life. Learn some and think some and draw some and paint and sing and dance and play and work everyday.
• Take a nap every afternoon.
• When you go out in the world, watch for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.
• Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the plastic cup? The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why. We are like that.
• Goldfish, hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the cup all die...and so do we.
• And then remember that book about Dick and Jane and the first word you learned, the biggest word of all: LOOK!
• Everything you need to know is there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation, ecology, and politics and the sane living.

Think of what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about 3 o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankets for a nap. Or we had a basic policy in our nation and other nations to always put things back where we found them and clean up our own messes. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together."
--- Robert Fulghum

Consider reading the whole book which contains more profound insights and offer a healthy antidote to the challenges we face today. In the updated edition, Fulghum has added  fresh thoughts and insight from his experiences. 
​www.amazon.com/Really-Need-Know-Learned-Kindergarten/dp/034546639X

One of the podcasts that I follow is School of Love which has the mission to "Empower parents to have authentic, ongoing conversations with their children about God’s intention for love and sex." In a recent podcast, host Amelia Lindemann interviews Chris McKenna, founder of Protect Young Eyes who is on a mission to help families navigate the digital world safely! In this episode, he dives into open communication about trust, how to address worries about internet access, and why being present in your child’s online world matters.
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When Chris McKenna was asked about the recommended age to begin talking to your kids about internet safety, he responded, "If they have access to things connected to the internet, they need access to information in order to use the internet. It is probably going to be a whole lot younger than we want to start these conversations. This doesn't mean introducing pornography to your four-year-old...but give them guidance about what to do when they see something that they don't understand." He explains the importance of parental involvement, providing guardrails for children and youth. All children crave boundaries and need to understand and practice what to do when they see something that isn't appropriate. 

Protect Young Eyes explains digital trends, social media, and parental controls. It provides step-by-step instructions for setting up parental controls for parents, schools and churches. Visit their website here: www.protectyoungeyes.com/

​Listen to/watch the podcast here: schooloflove.org/podcast/protect-young-eyes
and check out the other resources on School of Love.

There is a movement to switch the focus in February from Valentine's Day to "Generosity Day." It is an excellent way to keep it from becoming too commercial, focusing on candy, gifts, and cards. Whether you are a parent, grandparent, teacher, or friend, you can bring kindness to the forefront. "Doing Good Together" is an online resource for raising children and adults who care and contribute.

They have a February 28 Day Kindness Challenge with suggestions for families to do something for others each day. There are also ideas of things to do for your neighbors, assemble and distribute care kits for the homeless, and commit random acts of kindness by making valentines for your mail delivery, secretary at work or school. Another great suggestion is to have a Valentine Making Party and give them to those that you know are elderly or sick, drop them off at a nursing home or mail them Soldiers' Angels to be distributed to veterans.

All of these ideas and more are located here along with suggestions and details:
www.doinggoodtogether.org/dgt-newsletter/take-valentines-day-to-heart

To get started, have a "heart-to-heart" with your kids about the importance of kindness and spreading love. Then brainstorm how to bring a new "giving" focus to Valentine's Day.

• How can we make this Valentine's Day a real celebration of love and kindness? Is there any idea we can make an annual tradition?
• Some kids in your school might feel anxious on Valentine's Day. Maybe they will worry that they won't get as many Valentines as other kids. What could you do to make such a child feel better?
• How can we spread kindness among the people we know? What about people we don't know who could use some cheer?

 "My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness."– Dalai Lama XIV 

As a parent or grandparent, it is easy to see the mistakes that we have made: losing our temper,  being late to pick up our kid afterschool, burning the dinner, forgetting an adult child's birthday, saying something mean in the heat of the moment that we cannot easily take back, missing a drama or orchestra performance because of work, and so many more. 

As we are now one month into 2025 or just starting the new year according to the Lunar calendar, it is a good opportunity to claim our victories of the past year or so. Without doing this periodically, we can lose perspective of the growth and the areas in which we have made progress. 

A few years ago, I asked my husband about this task, he said, "First of all, I woke up every morning." That is indeed something to be grateful for and to claim that I am still here, on this journey of life. One of my goals this past year was to continue to educate myself by reading and when I looked back, I realized I can claim the goal of reading or listening on Audible to at least one book per month. 

Your victories might include having a meal together as a family at least three or more times every week. Maybe it has to do with a new friendship that you are building or a relationship that you have begun to heal. Did you start any new projects or find service opportunities? Did you walk or exercise consistently? Perhaps, you found a unique way to connect with and celebrate the relationship with your spouse, child, or grandchild. I know a grandfather who communicates with his teenage grandson by texting and sending each other jokes that tickle their unique sense of humor. 

How about the challenges that you faced? Did you discover that you are stronger than you thought? Did your capacity to find joy in small victories increase? Some of the things that I discovered through my challenges are:

• Being humble and listening more than speaking is a crucial step in being authentic.
• Practicing mindfulness and being present to those I care about opens me up to new possibilities.
• Admitting that I was wrong or that I made a mistake is easier than I thought.
• Learning from my mistakes and asking for help builds connection with others.

I offer you the opportunity to look back over the past year to claim your victories and contemplated what you learned from your challenges.