 We all long for love, peace, and abundance--so why aren’t we living it? Because buried feelings and thoughts shape our reality. Our lives reflect what we’ve believed and felt most deeply throughout the years. Ask yourself the following questions:
What if there were a simple tool to release old emotions, reprogram false beliefs, restore peace, joy, and love, and begin creating the life you truly want and deserve? Join the Self-Care Isn't Selfish monthly webinar on Saturday, November 15 from 10-11:30 pm PT where Liisa Freystaetter will be guiding us to understand this simple tool. Liisa Freystaetter is one of the founding members of "Self-Care Isn't Selfish" and a mom of five grown children and a grandmother of eight (with a ninth on the way!). As a life coach, she helps women, men, and young adults overcome self-doubt,build confidence, and strengthen relationships—guiding them to clarity, inner well-being,and more fulfilling connections. During this session, Liisa will lead us on a journey of self-discovery, exploring how our thoughts and feelings shape every result in our lives. Drawing on the book "Feelings Buried Alive Never Die" by Karol K Truman, she will explain how all our emotions and beliefs are stored in our cellular memory—and how they influence our relationships, health, finances, and overall happiness. You will be introduced to a simple, easy-to-use tool that helps release old emotions, reprogram limiting beliefs, and begin creating the life you truly want and deserve. To register for the zoom link: tinyurl.com/Self-Care-Nov-15 The overarching theme for our monthly webinars is "Heal Yourself, Heal Your Family, Heal the World." Making a change begins with me because that is the only person that I have control over. But the amazing truth is that as I make effort, I change my interactions with those I care about and often, that sparks change in others as well. Each month, we are creating a global community of connecting and support by showing up, sharing, and caring about each other. All past webinars are available on our YouTube Channel.We'd love to have you join us on November 15th. www.youtube.com/@Self-Care.Isnt.Selfish/videos  All experts recommend having goals in our lives to feel accomplished and live a fulfilling life. But what intentions will best serve us? In thinking about it, our deepest intention is to grow into people of depth, integrity, and compassion—continually maturing our character so that who we are reflects our highest values. Together, we seek to create relationships filled with love, trust, and understanding, where genuine connection and mutual growth can flourish. Through our lives and work, we aspire to contribute meaningfully to the world, using our unique gifts to inspire, uplift, and help create a more compassionate and harmonious future for all. I believe that we can simply this into three life goals: mature my character, create loving relationships, and make a contribution to the world.
1. Mature My Character: Learning to love and care about others is an essential part of life. A person’s character is like a work of art, and we are like a sculptor, shaping and polishing our stone to reveal its innate beauty, our God given qualities. In our families, communities, and churches, we are really about character education. By practicing good habits that deepen the mind and beautify the heart, we are cultivating our character until those acts of giving, helping, and loving become ingrained within us. Winnie the Pooh said it best, "Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart." 2. Create Loving Relationships: We really need other to truly polish our character. American author Robert Fulghum's book, "All I ever needed to know, I learned in Kindergarten," shows the simplicity of how we are meant to relate to each other. He says what a better place our world can be if we live each day like this. To make loving relationships, we must achieve a certain level of maturity through working on the first goal. And the only thing that we can leave behind is our family and our community-those who we love and love us. For more on Robert Fulghum's book: life-skills-learned-in-kindergarten.html 3. Make a Contribution to the World: We all deserve to invest time and energy into finding out that thing that we were born to do. Become an expert in something or finding the thing(s) that inspires you and use it to help others. If you don’t know what that is yet, that is ok. Pray about it, try things out, put yourself in situations where you can try new experiences. Challenge yourself to grow, collaborate with others, share ideas, look for someone else who is doing something that sparks your interest and help them out. In the process, you will learn more about yourself. And it is essential to keep growing no matter our age. Two books that I recommend for support in this area are:
 Terry Real, internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and author has said, "Family dysfunction rolls down from generation to generation, like a fire in the woods, taking down everything in its path until one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames. That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares the children that follow." His powerful words beautifully capture what it means to break free from the grip of intergenerational trauma. The patterns we inherit from our families often shape the way we love, communicate, and connect. Yet within each of us lies the power to change that story—to become the generational hero who faces the fire, heals the past, and brings peace to both our ancestors and those yet to come.
Take a minute to reflect on the relationship patterns you grew up with—how people handled conflict, showed (or withheld) love, and dealt with emotions. These early experiences become wired into your nervous system, shaping how you react when tensions rise, especially in conflicts with your partner. In stressful moments, it’s natural to default to familiar habits—even when those habits don’t serve you well. Breaking free from old patterns is an act of bravery. It means pausing when everything inside you wants to react. When your partner or child triggers you, your instinct may be to argue, withdraw, or shut down. But growth happens when you resist those impulses and take a different path—the one that leads to understanding, peace, and healing. We didn't choose the inherited patterns but with courage, we can choose how to respond to them; we can rewrite the script. Changing your relationship dynamics isn't a one-time decision but a daily practice. Here are five steps to help you get started:
If you are looking for a coach for individual or group work, please check my website: www.coachmyrna.org/coaching.html  As you may know, I work together with a group of coaches who were trained by Hilde Wiemann, Generational Healing, as well as being members of Women's Federation for World Peace (wfwp.us). We feel inspired to combine our healing work with the vision of WFWP--Women working together to establish a culture of heart in the family, community, nation, and world in order to achieve genuine and sustainable peace under God. By hosting monthly webinars, we believe that we are putting these words into practice. Our next webinar features Kendra Stein presenting highlights from Terry Real's book Fierce Intimacy.
Having had the priviledge of training under Terry Real, Kendra will share with us his essential tools for connecting with true respect, uncompromising honesty, and ever-deepening love. Join us on Saturday, October 11, 10-11:30 am PT/1-2:30 pm ET. Register here to receive the zoom link: tinyurl.com/Self-Care-Oct-11 The overarching theme for our monthly webinars is "Heal Yourself, Heal Your Family, Heal the World." Making a change begins with me because that is the only person that I have control over. But the amazing truth is that as I make effort, I change my interactions with those I care about and often, that sparks change in others as well. Each month, we are creating a global community of connecting and support by showing up, sharing, and caring about each other. All past webinars are available on our YouTube Channel.We'd love to have you join us this Saturday. www.youtube.com/@Self-Care.Isnt.Selfish/videos For other blogs that I have written on healing: www.coachmyrna.org/blog/category/healing-ourselves  Dr. Jane McGonigal is embracing technology for the sake of improving the lives of kids, youth, and adults. She is a world renowned designer of alternate reality games—or games that are designed to improve real lives and solve real problems. Believing that game designers are on a humanitarian mission, her number one goal in life is to see a game developer win a Nobel Peace Prize.
In 2009, internationally renowned game designer Jane McGonigal suffered a severe concussion. Unable to think clearly or work or even get out of bed, she became anxious and depressed, even suicidal. But rather than let herself sink further, she decided to get better by doing what she does best: she turned her recovery process into a resilience-building game. What started as a simple motivational exercise quickly became a set of rules for “post-traumatic growth” that she shared on her blog. These rules led to a digital game and a major research study with the National Institutes of Health. Today nearly half a million people have played SuperBetter to get stronger, happier, and healthier. Dr. McGonigal specializes in games that challenge players to tackle real-world problems, such as poverty, hunger, and climate change, through planetary-scale collaboration. Her game “SuperBetter” helps players tackle health challenges such as depression, anxiety, chronic pain, and traumatic brain injury. The online game for ages thirteen and up builds resilience—the ability to stay strong,motivated, and optimistic even in the face of change and difficult challenges. Playing “SuperBetter” unlocks heroic potential to overcome tough situations and achieve goals that matter most. Drawing on hundreds of studies, McGonigal shows that getting superbetter is as simple as tapping into the three core psychological strengths that games help you build:
As inspiring as it is down to earth, and grounded in rigorous research, SuperBetter is a proven game plan for a better life. You’ll never say that something is “just a game” again. Check out her website: www.superbetter.com/ Dr. McGonigal also published a book on the same topic: www.amazon.com/SuperBetter-Living-Gamefully-Jane-McGonigal/dp/0143109774  Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman, often called the father of Positive Psychology, discovered that children need to fail in order to succeed. In fact, it can help them figure out how to succeed next time. He discovered that until the early 1960s, achievement was the most important goal that parents sought to instill in their children. But from the later 1960s until the present, the focus of schools and parents has shifted to building up self-esteem.
Despite the increased focus on self-esteem over the past decades, depression in children has continued to grow, now affecting a quarter of all kids today. To combat this trend, Dr. Seligman began the Penn Depression Prevention Project, the first long-term study aimed at children ages eight through twelve. His findings were revolutionary, proving that children can be protected against depression by being taught how to challenge their pessimistic thoughts. His book The Optimistic Child offers parents and teachers the tools developed in this study to teach children of all ages life skills that transform helplessness into proficiency and bolster self-esteem. Dr. Seligman says that to develop resilience, children need to develop optimism. This involves changing one’s belief from “I can’t” to “I can.” Parents can support this transformation by creating an environment where it is safe to try and fail, as well as helping their child discover the gifts that come from failure: the opportunity to evaluate, the motivation to try harder, the chance to be creative, and the development of maturity. This helps our child develop a growth mindset instead of a fixed mindset, putting the emphasis on the steps the child took to reach the end result. By focusing on process, it shows that getting stuck, asking for help, and trying new strategies are an important part of the process. How we respond to our child can result in their feelings of helplessness or sense of accomplishment. How we respond to our child’s hurtful words or actions can impact their resilience. Suppose I take my children on an outing to the zoo, and my daughter is teasing her brother. She says, “You know that you are adopted, right? Daddy is not your real dad. Your dad is a gorilla. You had better behave today because right next to the zoo is the prison, and if you do anything wrong, you will get sent there for the rest of your life.” Of course, as the parent, I need to step in and say something. But imagine the impact of two vastly different parental responses to the daughter.
The first response attacks the child’s character and does not give them a way to recover. Speaking in this manner can create a feeling of shame— “I am a bad person.” The second response begins with her good qualities and states clearly that today, she is doing something unacceptable. It allows her to feel the guilt—that she has done something wrong—and gives her a chance to correct her behavior. When a child knows that it is safe to make mistakes or to mess up sometimes, their performance often improves. The knowledge that they have a safe place to try and keep trying until they succeed gives them confidence. Excerpt from one of the chapters in 7 Gifts to Give Your Child—Parenting That Will Touch Their Future, by Myrna Lapres, 7 Gifts to Give Your Child  On a bucket-list trip to the Mediterranean, my husband, Michael, and I had the opportunity to experience the Sagrada Familia—Holy Family Church—in Barcelona, Spain. An icon of the city, the church boasts bold, wildly creative, organic architecture and décor inside and out, and is still a work in progress. In fact, the term gaudy comes from the name of the architect—Antoni Gaudí.
Begun in 1882 under the guidance and direction of Francisco de Paula del Villar, Antoni Gaudí took over the project in 1883 when Villar resigned. Gaudí devoted his life to creating this unusual masterpiece, set to be finished in 2026. Despite his boldly modern architectural vision, Gaudí was a traditional and deeply religious man who designed the Sagrada Familia to be a place of solid Christian values amid what was a humble workers’ colony in a fast-changing city. When he died, only one section of the church—the Nativity Façade—had been completed. The rest of the work has been inspired by his vision, but he knew that he would not live to complete it—thus allowing space for others to bring their own inspiration and faith to the project. Learning about the history of the Sagrada Familia reminded me of the need for us as parents to take the long view for our families. Investing in your child isn’t only for today. It is for who they will become, the family they will have, and the grandchildren that will be born and raised. We must challenge ourselves to allow the process to unfold organically and in cooperation with our children, not micromanaging every detail and overstressing about the future. Rather, like Gaudí, you can provide support, guidance, vision, inspiration, and trust for your child, youth, and young adult as you imagine the way they will impact tomorrow. Parents today have a lot to contend with in an increasingly complex and fast paced world. Although this may feel daunting, it also means parents today have access to many more resources than previous generations. Through intentional parenting, you make a plan to prioritize where you put your time and energy, and this guides your day-to-day decision making. It is my desire to inspire you through the tools, resources, and experiences shared in this book to positively touch the present and the future. Excerpt from introduction to 7 Gifts to Give Your Child—Parenting That Will Touch Their Future, by Myrna Lapres, 7 Gifts to Give Your Child  Imagine that you are an athlete and as your trainer, I’m concerned that you might overexert or injure yourself during training. Each time you show up for a practice session, I do all the exercises and routines myself. I spare you a lot of sweat and pain, but when it is time for you to perform in a competition, you will discover that you are not prepared. In fact, my efforts have inhibited your development.
Your child needs to gain their own experience, wisdom, strength, and confidence through making their own choices. If we make their decisions for them and rescue them when they make mistakes, they will not learn the important skills needed for their future. Rather than doing the work for them, as parents we need to be available to encourage, support, guide, and challenge them as they develop these skills. Let’s think for a minute about what parental approach would support resiliency. If a parent hovers, protects, and rescues their child from any kind of harm, not allowing them to fail or make mistakes, they steal the learning opportunities from their child in the name of love. If the parent barks orders, saying, “Do it or else,” the result is that punishment becomes the imposed consequence. Punishment breeds resentment, hinders the development of intrinsic motivation, and keeps the child from pausing for self-examination of their mistakes. Drill sergeants are great in a battle, but suboptimal as a parenting model. However, if we allow our child to experience the natural consequences of their choices, we can help them find a solution and own the problem by asking them guiding questions and offering suggestions. Instead of telling them what to do, consultant parents help establish time frames and guidelines within which to work, allowing the child to be responsible. Children who grow in responsibility also grow in self-esteem, a prerequisite for resilience, achievement, and happiness in the real world. Consultant parents have discovered that it is important to model the kinds of characteristics that they want their child to inherit. Ideally, we are meant to have considerable freedom concerning our life choices, including the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them as part of our growth process. Failure and success are two sides of the same coin. The older the child gets, the bigger the decisions become, and the graver the consequences of those decisions. It is wise to allow our child to make many mistakes when they are young and the consequences are “affordable.” As painful as it is to stand by and allow them to learn through the result of their choices, this is the price that we must pay in raising responsible children who grow into amazing young adults. This is an except from a chapter in my book. For more on 7 Gifts to Give Your Child click the link. According to Mark Twain, "Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see" and Aesop, the Ancient Greek fabulist, states, "No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted." The gift of kindness may start as a small ripple that over time can turn into a tidal wave affecting the lives of many. How do we cultivate kindness in ourselves and our families?
Some practical ways to do this include:
Kindness is powerful because it activates our brain's reward system, releasing feel-good neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine, which improves the mood and well-being of both giver and receiver. It strengthens social bonds, increases empathy, reduces stress, and creates a ripple effect that fosters a more positive and connected community. This combination of physiological and social benefits makes kindness a potent force for each of us, our families, and our communities. Two books that I recommend using with children and grandchildren are: Kindness Is My Superpower: www.amazon.com/Kindness-Superpower-childrens-Empathy-Compassion/dp/B08DSTHKQB Have Your Filled A Bucket Today?: www.amazon.com/Have-Filled-Bucket-Today-Bucketfilling/dp/099609993X  The definition of growth is becoming something bigger, better, or more. We grow physically and our families grow. Growth can involve developing one's capabilities, gaining new skills, learning how one fits into the world around one, and enhancing one's understanding of oneself. Through personal growth, we expand our capabilities, enrich our relationships, and create more meaningful careers and lives. We also grow spiritually and emotionally which involves cultivating qualities like self-awareness, compassion, and gratitude, and recognizing our interconnectedness with others, God, and the world. This journey often includes exploring personal beliefs, engaging in practices like prayer or meditation, and integrating spiritual values into daily life.
What stops us from growth? There are many factors, but some key ones include fear, lack of confidence and connection to our own self-worth and divinity, lack of vision, complacency or procrastination, complaint, resentment and anger, and the difficulty and pain that we may need to go through in order to grow. The reality is that growth can be painful; we must acknowledge the wounds, mistakes, and difficult memories of our past. The 13th Century poet Rumi saw the clear relationship between our wounds and our awakening--our growth. He said, “Don’t turn away. Keep your gaze on the bandaged place. That’s where the light enters you.” C.S. Lewis said, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience but shouts in our pain; it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world." The fact is that not to grow is hard and to grow is hard. If it is going to be hard either way, doesn’t it serve us to choose growth? Below, I share some books that I have found impactful for different areas of growth in life. Pick one to read yourself or use with a book club or small group. I will offer a webinar series on several of these books soon. Over the net few blogs, I will share more resources and stories that I have found meaningful to growth. I challenge you to think of one area of your life that you would like to expand or develop and make some goals for the final four months of 2025.
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