 Today, 40% of the world’s population is 25 years old or younger. Ready or not, they will lead our world into the future. Members of Generation Y (Millennials born between 1984-2000) and Generation Z (Centennials born between 2001-2018) are hungry to change the world and as parents, teachers and mentors, we can help them.
Both generations are influenced by less than ideal parenting styles (overparenting, paranoid parenting, permissive parenting, etc.) They also are greatly impacted by the advances in technology: immediate access to world events often difficult to process, availability creating distractions & addictions, loss of real conversations and relationships, instant gratification expectations, and so much more. Simon Sinek, British-American author, motivational speaker and organizational consultant, summarizes how these challenges impact millennials as they enter the workforce in a Ted Talk here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=hER0Qp6QJNU&t=13s Dr. Tim Elmore, president and founder of Growing Leaders, is passionate about understand the emerging generation and helping adults—parents, teachers, coaches—teach them how to become leaders in their families, schools, communities and careers. As an author and speaker, Dr. Elmore shares four proven parenting strategies. Four Strategies for Parenting Generation Z By Dr. Tim Elmore, Growing Leaders Ready for Real Life So, let me suggest some parenting ideas you might use as you lead your kids: 1. Don’t freak out We need to let our kids take appropriate risks in our “safety first” world. But, when they choose something odd or even crazy, stay calm. Whatever you do—don’t freak out at the seemingly strange decisions teens feel empowered to make today. From tattoos, to piercings, to decisions about friends, to gender fluidity—kids growing up today are living in a very new world. If we don’t react emotionally, but talk to them respectfully, we earn the right to help them think through the long-term implications of their choices. This is our role: wise and steady leadership. Equip them to think long-term; think big-picture, and think high road. 2. Affirm them accurately and specifically Generation Z kids are privy to the hyperbolic praise Millennials got from parents. Everything was described as “awesome”—even when it really wasn’t. Adult leaders should be thoughtful with their encouragement, praising teens with words that reflect the genuine performance of the teen. They’ll actually believe us if we do. Also, we must affirm “effort”—which is a controllable—instead of what’s uncontrollable. Instead of saying to a female, “You’re gorgeous,” why not say: “I love the strategy you used when you planned your student council campaign. It was spot on.” 3. Be clear about their equations I discourage having a ton of “rules,” and encourage you to remind kids of life’s “equations.” Equations are simply outcomes for wise or poor behavior: if you do this, that is the benefit; if you do that, this is the consequence. As a result, students begin to learn that life is full of equations. Upon entering adulthood: if you don’t pay your rent, you lose the apartment; if you do pay rent on time, you get to keep it. Such equations will equip Generation Z kids about how the world works. Make the equations clear and be sure to follow up on them. 4. Model consistency One of the most conspicuously absent elements in our world today is consistency. Nothing seems to be consistent—except inconsistency. Uncertainty is everywhere. Change is happening all the time: couples divorcing; jobs changing; rules are updated; TV shows are terminated…even our Internet connection can be spotty. Parents and teachers must be consistent in their verbal and visual cues. Kids feel secure when consistent leadership is exemplified. For more on Growing Leaders: growingleaders.com/about/  Once our adult children become parents, we naturally want to develop and nurture healthy, loving and enjoyable relationships with our grandchildren. Grandparenting can be our second chance to give what we missed giving the first time around. What greater legacy could there be than leaving one of love for our grandchildren? Grandparenting experts Tim and Darcy Kimmel, authors of Extreme Grandparenting have said, "We are the link to the past, the anchor to the present and the bridge to the future."
A few years ago, my husband and I read Doing Life With Your Adult Children--Keep Your Mouth Shut & The Welcome Mat Out by Jim Burns and we have discovered a great deal of wisdom throughout this book on topics such as:
One of the most interesting chapters for me was "Being a Grandparent May Be Your Biggest Legacy. I especially enjoyed the suggestions on connecting with and influencing our grandkids. The list below is adapted from Chapter 9 of Jim Burns' book.
 If you have been reading my blogs or connected with me as a coach, you know that one of the things I am passionate about is creating connections using Safe Conversations. Often, I work with a couple or a parent and an adult child, but families are the center of relational importance. They're not only who we spend the most time with but it's also where we experience most of our challenges being in a close, safe, and harmonious relationship. I would like to share some ways to use the tools of Safe Conversations within families.
Between parents and children--especially teenagers--we often hear the phrase, "You're not listening to me." Listening is a skill that we aren't usually taught, and research shows that we hear 40% or less of what others say to us, whether that is a friend, parent, child, boss, or co-worker. One tool that Safe Conversations teaches is to mirror back what the other person has said. It might look like this: "So, you said that your brother borrows your things without asking and that really bothers you. Is there more about that?" Asking “Is there more?” invites the other person to reflect and possibly share more. This kind of listening means that I must put aside giving advice or trying to solve the problem. The key element is listening to understand which can take us towards being able to empathize instead of criticizing. Developing a family culture of sharing appreciations about each other supports connection with each other. The best way to model it is for parents to appreciate each other in the presence of their children as well as parents expressing them to the children. It can be as simple as noticing your child for something that they are doing. Saying, "Thanks for taking out the garbage without me even asking you," or "You really seem to like the color blue, that blue shirt brings out the color of your eyes and looks great on you," or "I appreciate that you remembered to put gas in the car after borrow it." Catching our kids acting "good" and acknowledging it shows that we are paying attention and caring about them. Some families make sharing appreciations a family tradition used at family meetings or on special occasions like having each family member give a Birthday Appreciation. Within the family, we have the best opportunity to learn new ways of being in relationship. Finding ways to have better communication and feeling greater joy in our family relationships builds a foundation for all future relationships. For more ideas, activities, and family games to support your family's relationships: steps-to-cultivating-family-communication-and-connection-the-space-between.html listening-to-understand.html  Being comfortable in our own skin isn't a given but there are ways that we can continue to grow and develop in our own self-assuredness. Research has shown that there are certain behaviors that reveal how we are doing on the road to self-acceptance. First is embracing our imperfections. By learning to do this, we not only accepting who we are now, but also open up the potential for growth and development in the future.
The second is something that I have struggled with but I am learning the importance of setting boundaries and saying “No” when needed. If you have the tendency to over-commit and sacrifice your own needs or peace of mind. You might want to examine why you are striving so hard to please others. Being able to say No is a sign of self-respect and a clear indicator that you’re comfortable in your own skin. One way to approach it is to respond with, "I would really love to support. I just have too much on my plate right now to give it the attention that it deserves." Renowned psychologist Dr. Brené Brown states, “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” Embodying this kind of authenticity requires courage and self-confidence. It’s an ongoing journey, not a destination. Learning to live your truth openly and fearlessly, it’s a clear indication that you’re supremely comfortable in your own skin. Other behaviors for us to recognize and incorporate into our lives are:
How about picking one of the behaviors that you would like to incorporate more in your daily life and be intentional in how you practice it? Becoming more comfortable in your own skin is a deeply personal and empowering journey. It’s about self-acceptance, authenticity, and embracing your unique path in life.  A Deeper Connection is a podcast empowering healing, strengthening, and enriching the parent child relationship through all phases of life. Hosted by myself, Myrna Lapres, and Crescentia DeGoede in collaboration with the Blessing & Family Ministry of Family Fed USA, we now have ten episodes of interviews with some amazing individuals sharing about their own journey through intergenerational trauma, finding forgiveness, healing themselves and their family relationships, and discovering ways that their experiences have impacted how they are raising their own children. The most recent episode is available here: bfm.familyfed.org/a-deeper-connection-podcast/ep-10 interviewing Crescentia's mother, Claire Hinkle. Checkout all ten of the episodes: bfm.familyfed.org/a-deeper-connection-podcast
As I reflect on my own path as a parent and grandparent, and becoming a relationship and family coach, I have come to believe that a healthy parent-child relationship is one of the most important aspects in finding joy and satisfaction in the life that one is creating. Dr. Gabor Maté shares a profound truth: our healing becomes our children’s inheritance. Perhaps this is one of the greatest gifts I can give to my children and grandchildren, and it begins with an awareness that I want less anger, self-criticism, resentment, and frustration in my life and more peace, joy, presence, gratitude, and connection with others. Often, this realization leads us to begin searching by praying, reading books, exploring meditation and mindfulness practices, asking questions, and seeking help. If you need support in finding your next steps, I offer a free clarity coaching session: Coaching With Myrna. For more food for thought on this: choose-growth.html  I am sharing a post this week that I found on Facebook and used in a sermon a couple of weeks ago.
My neighbor complained about our "ugly" fence for years. So I painted these poppies while she was on vacation. When we moved into this house five years ago, the wooden fence was already weathered and gray. Our neighbor, Mrs. Carlson, made it clear she thought it was an eyesore. "When are you planning to replace that hideous thing?" became her standard greeting. We couldn't afford a new fence. Between my husband's medical bills and putting our daughter through college, extra money was non-existent. I'd apologize and promise we'd get to it "someday." Last winter, I discovered I had a knack for painting while following a tutorial from this incredible artist I found on the Tedooo app. She creates the most beautiful floral murals and sells prints of her work through her shop there. When I messaged her about possibly painting our fence, she was so encouraging and even sent me a detailed guide on which outdoor paints would work best. I practiced for months on canvas in our garage. When Mrs. Carlson mentioned she'd be visiting her sister for two weeks this summer, I knew it was my chance. For seven days straight, I painted from dawn until dusk. My back ached, my fingers blistered, but watching those poppies bloom across our fence filled me with a joy I hadn't felt in years. Yesterday, Mrs. Carlson returned home. I was nervously watering my garden when I heard her car door slam. There was a long silence, and then I heard her call my name. When I turned around, she was crying. "My late husband grew poppies just like these," she said. "Every spring, our yard was filled with them." Now instead of complaints, she brings her friends over to see "her" side of the fence. This morning, she left a handwritten note in my mailbox asking if I'd consider painting bluebells on her side. She's already ordered special paint for me from an artisan on the Tedooo app. Sometimes beauty blooms in the most unexpected places—even on an old, weathered fence that was once considered an eyesore. Credit: Joanna Williamson posted on Facebook www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=628340446909659&id=100092011279045  The third Sunday in June is dedicated to honoring fathers and father figures for the sacrifices they make, for embracing the responsibility of nurturing and raising children, and for devotion to their family. It is a well-known fact that Father's Day doesn't get the same attention that Mother's Day does and there are far less cards, chocolates and flowers sold. As I approach my second Father's Day without my dad, I would like to offer some reflections.
As a child, Mondays were special days because it meant pancakes for breakfast made by my dad. Working as a hospital chaplain and the pastor of a Mennonite congregation kept my father quite busy. Mondays were his days off and he developed a whole wheat flour recipe that he mixed up for us the first school day of each week. Served with butter and warmed syrup, we enjoyed this weekly treat and it became part of our family tradition. And if there were some left over, we might have them that evening with some vanilla ice cream sandwiched inside. At some point, he was given a white chef's hat which he proudly wear as he made the pancakes (pictured above.) As adults, my siblings and I would often request pancakes for breakfast when we visited. As we are approaching Father’s Day, I have been reflecting on the influence of my father on my life. Every summer, my dad helped my mom pack us in the car for a day trip to the Oregon coast or a camping trip to Honeyman State Park where we collected sticks and sea shells, built sandcastles and rode the dune buggy on the Oregon Dunes. My dad helped me appreciate the wonders of nature. Later when we moved to Kansas, we spent several summers in the Ozarks. I remember once, we were expecting to hear some local musicians perform on the courthouse steps. However, when we arrived at the empty town square, it became clear that we had outdated information. My dad asked around and eventually found some local musicians gathering nearby to play for their own entertainment. Being an awkward teenager, I am pretty sure I was lobbying for going straight back to our campsite. But soon we found ourselves seated in some battered folding chairs enjoying the music from a dulcimer, some fiddles, a banjo, a few guitars, a hammered dulcimer and even a couple of cloggers (a type of folk dance.), On one of our visits to the Arkansas Ozarks, my dad inquired about how to make a dulcimer and before we headed home, he had purchased plans to build one. I am the proud owner of one of his ‘limited editions.’ From my dad, I learned the importance of curiosity and not letting shyness get in the way of experiencing life. From the very beginning of my life, I was influenced by the lifestyle choices of both my father and mother. I was born in Mathis, a small Texas town near Corpus Christi in a maternity hospital built by volunteers from the Mennonite Church. As the directors of the program, my parents provided leadership, support and meals eaten around a ping pong table. Through the Mennonite Voluntary Service unit, the local community benefited from having access to the maternity hospital, a kindergarten to help children learn English before starting elementary school, cooking & basketball after school clubs, adult education and more. MVS, started in 1944 as a practical peaceful alternative to serving in the military, continues until today as a way for volunteers make a 1-2 year commitment to make a difference. I find the words of American writer Clarence Budington Kelland sum up well what I learned from watching my dad, Millard E. Osborne. “My father didn’t tell me how to live life; he lived, and let me watch him do it.” If you are trying to think of the best way to honor your dad, how about doing something special together that he enjoys instead of buying a gift? If you don't live nearby, organize a zoom call to share your appreciations with him. Create a short video interviewing family members about their favorite memories or a photo book that everyone can collaborate on. Need some more ideas? Check out these: www.allprodad.com/5-ideas-for-fathers-day-to-honor-your-dad/  Many years ago, my husband and I were having a heated discussion in the presence of our then two-year-old son. Without a word, our son came over to me and took my hand. Pulling me toward his dad, he grabbed his dad’s hand and put my hand on top of it. Tears rose in my eyes; I immediately felt the pangs of inadequacy as the parent to my young son.
It has taken me many years to work through the uncomfortable feelings and unhealthy patterns of behavior to heal wounds from the past. Through practicing yoga and meditation, reading numerous books, journaling, joining healing groups, and practicing “telling the truth about myself,” I am learning how to break unhealthy cycles and habits and heal through re-parenting myself. With courage and compassion, we can look at our own past and understand that history is not destiny. We cannot change the past, but we can choose to make a better future. By making sense of your own story, you can become the kind of parent and grandparent you want to be regardless of how you were parented. By staying true to the beauty and truth that our children teach us, we become the parents they need. My children have been the greatest motivation for me to see my way forward. If any of this resonates with you, I encourage you to start wherever you are and find support. We are blessed to have many resources available to us--in our communities, online, through books, in support groups, collaborating with coaches, counselors, and more. You can find book suggestions (most are available on Amazon and in libraries) that I have found helpful here: docs.google.com/document/d/12mOiVoI4thx3ylUuUmfO1PWs3wUQ9ySF/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=112786746884112804184&rtpof=true&sd=true A few years ago, I found myself in a multi-leveled parking garage at a public transportation station, walking around clicking my remote to try to locate my car. That morning, in my haste to arrive at my destination on time, I had failed to make note of which level and section I had parked in. After 20 minutes, I heard the faint beep several levels below. I had finally located my car!
Once in my car and on my way home, I began to think about how this incident applies to my daily life. How often have I not been present to my husband because I was caught up in getting a project completed? When was the last time that I missed the cues in my son’s voice as he wanted to tell me more about the challenges of balancing work, life, and family? How many times over the years have I missed opportunities to stop what I was doing and get down beside my child to play, comfort, or support? Wasn’t it just yesterday that I had complained about the tension in my shoulders without realizing that I was not making enough time for self-care? In May of 2019, the ABC network aired a special called “Screen Time,” hosted by Diane Sawyer, which looked at how smartphones are affecting us. One preschooler conveyed the immense importance of presence when he was observed going to his mother, who was talking on a cell phone, taking her face in his hands and saying, “Mommy, I need you to listen to me with your whole face.” Children learn more from who we are when we are with them than what we try to teach them. We don’t need to be perfect, but showing up and being present means noticing the little things, learning to put down our cell phones, and really listening. We can provide presence when we’re meeting their needs, when we’re expressing our love to them, when we’re disciplining them, when we’re laughing together, and even when we’re arguing with them. Who needs your presence this week? Listening to respond is the standard way that most of us communicate. What that means is that instead of really paying attention to what the other person is saying with their words and body language, we are already thinking about how we want to reply or what our rebuttal will be. The good news is that relationships skills and better ways to communicate can be taught. It isn’t instinctive to slow down and take the steps necessary to really understand another person. It begins with being present to my partner, my child, friend, or co-worker. Creating connections is what gives us purpose and meaning in our lives. Connection is the foundation for communication and for experiencing the greatest joy within our relationships. We can learn to listen to understand, and experience being truly heard as well. In the process, we can experience a greater sense of connection and belonging with others. I have experienced this through Safe Conversations® which was co-created by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D. They’ve taken their experience working with couples for 40+ years and simplified best practices so all relationships can have greater connection, understanding, empathy and respect. When I first attended a Safe Conversations® workshop:
Learning to use this structured dialogue process enabled me to have honest authentic conversations and connect more deeply with my husband, sons and other family members and friends. When I discovered that my frustrations were really wishes in disguise, I could change my focus from what I didn’t have into what I wanted and desired. My personal experience with Safe Conversations® led me to become a trained facilitator, teaching the process in workshops and coaching sessions. Consider experiencing this amazing process for yourself. I invite you to join the free two hour Safe Conversations webinar on Sunday, May 18, 2025, 10 am to 12 pm PT/1 to 3 pm ET/7-9 pm CET. Register here for the zoom link: tinyurl.com/Safe-Conversations-May-18-2025 Take a look at this two minute testimony of a Safe Conversations' facilitator and her father on how it changed their relationship: youtu.be/QsiO8Ve091k?si=uRLDzZJmp1SSnVfK  |
