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​On our journey in life, the most profound thing that we can offer others--
partners, children, parents, friends, co-workers, bosses, neighbors--
is our own healing and growth towards being a more loving person.

Asking For More Information

11/13/2023

 
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​The third part of Beginning Anew** is about understanding what's going on in the other person's mind. Often if someone else feels slighted or misunderstood by us, we can see in their reaction to us that we have hurt them and we are able to apologize immediately. However, sometimes it may be a small thing that goes unnoticed. Little hurts can add up, so it is important to check in with our loved ones regularly.

When we have a genuine understanding of each other, it fosters mutual respect and deep love. Asking your son, daughter, spouse, or coworker specific questions and really listening to the answers can create a better understanding of each other. Following are some examples of such questions and conversations:
  • Have I hurt or annoyed you unintentionally? Please let me know. I don't want you to keep irritations in your heart that can accumulate.
  • I see that you are upset with me. Can you help me to understand the issue so that I can do better in the future?
  • Please tell me about what brings you joy in life. What do you love to do the most?
  • Tell me how I can be a better listener. I want to be more present in our relationship.
  • If it happens that I've unknowingly done something to upset you, please tell me about it. I want to listen so I can understand you better. 
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When teaching Safe Conversations®, I guide individuals to ask, "Is there more about that?" as part of the dialogue practice. Doing this expresses curiosity, a vitally important expression of interest, respect, and validation to the other person. It also opens the door for them to pause and think about what else might need to be said. Next week's blog will give more guidance on how to safely express hurt, frustration or disagreement with someone. For more on Safe Conversations®,
 www.coachmyrna.org/create-connection-in-relationships.html

**The content for this series is inspired by the book "Beginning Anew: Four Steps to Restoring Communication" by Sister Chan Khong. If you missed the other blogposts in this series, you can find them here: 
creating-happiness-is-an-art.html
watering-each-others-flowers.html
expressing-regret.html
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